Even in a pandemic, I didn't blog. I'm the literal worst.

Being home all day, every day, for the last bit of forever, still somehow did not lead me to blog. I have zero excuses. I mean, I have *some* excuses, but I'll save them and just recap. Charleston was kicking my ass all over the place. Between the never ending mold, the humidity, and the excessive heat AT ALL MONTHS OF THE YEAR, I was D O N E. Hubbs' job had us relocate to just outside of Paris, France for 3 months (yes, we lived in France for 3 FULL MONTHS and I still have yet to blog about it because, again, literal worst.) We discovered that the fresh air, the mold free environment, and the food- good Lord THE FOOD- not only improved my anxiety, but had boyfriend absolutely blossoming. We agreed then that we needed to get out of SC as quickly as possible. It broke our hearts to leave our cul-de-sac crew. We could not have dreamed up a better group of people to neighbor with, and leaving them was gut wrenching. Leaving the house that spent 5 years trying to kill me? Not so much.

  Hubbs got a temporary (at first) position at the Boeing in Philly, and we moved back to where my heart has always called home- New Jersey. Don't laugh. It's gorgeous here and it's one of the most populated states, so, you know, we're right and Jersey rocks. It turns out that all those years Hubbs tried to get a position in Philly, his resume wasn't even looked at. When we got married, he was not a citizen of the US. A few months after we got married, he became a citizen.... and forgot to put that information into the Boeing system. As Philly is a military site, he couldn't get a job there. He became a citizen in 2006. He updated the Boeing system (accidentally) in 2019. Oops. Insert face palm here. Since neither of us wanted his commute to be an hour and a half, we decided to live in South Jersey, about an hour away from both of our parents. Jersey is a very small state. And somehow I had never been to south Jersey. I don't even understand the logistics of that, but it is what it is. We're finding it's an entirely different state over here....and also I can't stop referring to us as "up here" to everyone in our family when we are most definitely down and a little over, because directions are hard. We had a fantastic townhouse rental for the first year while waiting to see if the job would become permanent that had basically a professional kitchen (the landlord owns a bunch of restaurants). I will always and forever miss the fridge there. Le sigh.

We started looking at houses in February 2020. We saw a LOT. A ton that I thought I would love- open floor plans, newer construction, giant kitchens... and they all sucked. Like didn't take us more than a 5 minute tour to decide thanks but no. There was one farmhouse, from the 1850's, that I had my heart set on. THE FIREPLACE that had room for like 8 people inside of it. Dreamy. We finally got to see it...and I swear it was haunted. I could not get out of there fast enough. I have lived with enough ghosts (seriously) and I can not handle that ish right now. We had one more house to see. From the pics on zillow, I was 1,000% not interested. At all. It was of course hubbs' first choice. We pulled up, and it felt like home. It was a no brainer. Our 1853 farmhouse had been lovingly rehabbed by the people we were buying it from, and they stayed as true as they could to the original. They kept the original floors, and the walls that needed repair they kept plaster instead of dry wall. It used to be a 15 acre raw dairy farm, but there are only 3 acres now. We do have 2 giant barns and 2 huge silos which still contain a lot of old equipment, so huge win!

I still can't believe we live here. Also. If someone could give me some tips on how to turn my black thumb green, that'd be great. It seems like a huge waste to not be growing our own food since we have AN ORCHARD with all sorts of delicious fruit trees. But I'm the black plague of plantlife. Anyway, a whole separate post needs to be done on this house and all the work we've done and aaaaallllll the pics and how it's led to my obsession with Cheap Old Houses (who will hopefully be visiting us someday!). 

 

And not to be all cavalier about it, but I've been in some serious anxiety/ depression spirals these last few years. Turns out, trauma and mold and health scares and unknowns with your kiddos can build up and explode and leave you grateful for a pandemic where not leaving your house is recommended. Again, separate post for aaaallll of it. I'm grateful I can see the other side now, and aware I still have so much work to do. That was heavier than intended for a "hey remember me!?!?!?" post but here we are. 

And then there's these clowns.

Our circus has expanded by one old dog- an 8 year old lab/bull dog rescue who is the sweetest and also who murders the groundhogs on our property with little to no blood shed, so also very handy to have around. Girlfriend is an actual artist- her paintings, drawings, and cake decorations are mind blowing, and her love for all things animals knows no bounds. And boyfriend is still Houdini reincarnate, class clown and best smoosher. I may have had to drag hubbs back to the dirty Jers, but he's pretty excited about his giant garage and workshop so I think he's forgiven me. These peeps are my whole entire heart and I can't believe we have a 10 and 7 year old. On a farm. With a dog. Like, how???

 Buying and selling houses and moving amidst a pandemic was not as much fun as you'd think. But 2020 for us will always be the year we moved to our forever home. Life looks absolutely nothing like I thought it would 20 years ago when I met hubbs, but it turned out to be what we didn't know we needed. 💖

Well, it's been a while....and also Osso Bucco in the Instant Pot

Hi (she says sheepishly...)

I know. I KNOW. I'm the worst. It's been 8 months. Or something. I don't math.

Anyway. I have valid reasons. Scattered along with laziness, sickness, and "this all just sucks right now"- ness.

Here's the short scoop- my health has been taking a nosedive for over a year now. My back, then constant nausea and dizziness, then we added in headaches, threw in some stomach flu (which fixed everything for approximately 2 weeks, then it all returned with a vengeance), and for the grand finale, an allergic reaction that led to my cheeks, lips, and tongue swelling up for mysterious reasons. That was a bit terrifying. Which led to allergy testing via a million skin pricks, which brought out THE WORST allergies I've ever had in my life- itchy eyes, itchy mouth, crazy sneezing, and now a complete inability to wear eye makeup. (For those that know me, I have NEVER LEFT MY HOUSE WITHOUT MASCARA EVER EVER. because I look like a hairless cat. And I've now gone out IN PUBLIC. TO FUNCTIONS. INCLUDING NEW YEAR'S EVE without any on. which makes my vain self weep).

I digress. Obviously, I tried to figure out all the things that could be making my poor body suffer this way. And in asking on our neighborhood facebook page, someone suggested we have our air conditioning ducts cleaned. So I set up the appointment- because Lord knows the previous owner was a hot mess and probably never had it done. And what did we discover?

MOLD. Mold all over and through our ac units, airducts, and vents. FRICKING. MOLD. And funny enough, you know what all those skin prick allergy tests showed? That I'm allergic to indoor mold. I'm in the fun 25% of the population who, when exposed to mold, instead of their bodies attacking the spores and making me healthy, my cells start attacking my other cells. Leading to crazy amounts of inflammation (hello unexplained inflammation found in my gut after a stool test- high levels are 100-200 and mine was 465), dizziness, headaches, lack of remembering things, lack of developing (hi from my almost 3 year old non talker). ALL OF IT.

I'm not gonna even get into many details- that's for another post, when I can address all the things we've done, and are still doing, to work this mold out- because we're still in the throws of making sure it's nowhere else in our house, and detoxing from the YEAR AND A HALF that mold spores blew down on us constantly. It's a long, and crazy expensive process.  So yeah. looking forward to writing that post.

ANYWAYS.

I finally listened to my gut, and got little man blood tested for food allergies. He only poops once or twice a week, he's become really picky about food and fights eating, he has that red ring around his little butt hole, and he has patches of bumpy skin- not a rash or red, just raised. And we discovered that he is off the charts for gluten, wheat, bran, and really high for coconut, peanuts, eggs, chia seeds. You know. All the stuff he eats and bathes with.  Perfect.

So, in the midst of evacuating our house a million times (mold, hurricanes, Thanksgiving....) we got an Instant Pot. Which has been A-MAAAAYYYYYY-ZING. And now, I get to figure out how to make all the things that boyfriend can eat.

So here is my first (intentional) gluten free meal- Osso Bucco. I, as usual, like to borrow recipes from my (in my head) friends at The Chew and The Food Network. (Yes I daydream about being besties with all of them, and being on The Chew and cooking with Michael Symon would complete my whole life- #squadgoals).

Michael Symon's Osso Bucco. It looked so amazing, but I was super feeling a more tomato based meal. So I stole some of his elements and added them with Mario Batali's Osso Buco. (Side note: I have no idea why they are spelled differently. It's one of the things that drives me slightly batty about The Chew website. However, their recipes are always without a doubt the most delish way to cook food ever ever, so I forgive them).

So between that, and using my knowledge of how the IP works, I came up with this:

- a big hunk of pork butt (who even has the money for that much veal after Christmas? And pork is fattier- my fave). I used 4 pounds and cut in half to brown better
- 1/4- 1/2 cup white wine
- 1 jar (18 oz) whole peeled tomatoes
- 1 cup bone broth
- squirt of anchovy paste- literally a drop or two of it
- 1 tbsp capers
- 1 sweet onion (it's what I had), chopped up
- handful baby carrots, cut in half
- a few cloves of garlic
- dried thyme, to taste (didn't have any fresh on hand)
- 2 tbsps butter (always always always Kerrygold- it'll change your life)
- extra virgin olive oil
- zest of one lemon
- 1 parmesan rind (cause I had it and it sounded good)

Before I tell you the steps I will say it was a hair more liquidy than I would've liked, so I might not add quite as much liquid as that. And as much as I super love chunky tomatoes in things like this, I think using crushed tomatoes might have served me better here, to spread out the tomato flavor throughout. I mean, it was DELISH. But everything can be improved on.

So I throw in some olive oil and brown up the salt and peppered pork. Then remove. Throw in a tad more oil and the butter and add my onions, carrots, a little more salt and pepper, and the thyme.  Let it go for a few minutes then add in the garlic (here's my fun, garlic trick, so it's always easily and readily available- it's the 2nd half of the post. and also a trick I learned on The Chew. Shocking), and the anchovy paste (usually sold near the tomato paste. and I don't like fish at all, but it does add a nice depth of flavor. a little bit goes a long way.) A little tomato paste at this point would also work really well if you felt so inclined. Let that cook for a minute, then throw in your white wine and deglaze- make sure to scrape all the good bits up off the bottom of the pan. There lies all your flavor. Add the bone broth and the tomatoes (Jovial is my favorite brand- tomatoes from Italy, organic, AND they don't add in any flavors. I LOATHE when every single stupid brand adds basil. WHY!?!? WHY DO THEY DO THIS!?!?). Zest your lemon right in there, then throw the pork, and all the juices that accumulated in whatever holding vessel it was in, and add the parmesan rind.

We decided to let this slow cook for about 6 hours while we were out. We came home and discovered that it was delicious, but not as fork tender as we would like. (that was at about hour 5). So we pressure cooked it for about 25 minutes. That did the trick.

Then I hit saute to get the sauce to thicken up a bit.

And made my polenta while waiting. I still make it on the stovetop. I have reservations about making it in the Instant Pot, because I like to control the thickness- I love a creamy polenta. Also, I only have one instant pot. So here's my no fail base for polenta/ grits. It's Robert Irvine's recipe, and it's always a winner-

1 cup bone broth (or stock)
 1/2 to 1 cup milk (or heavy cream)
good hunk of butter (tbsp or 2)
about 1/2 cup of fine ground corn meal (DON'T add all at once- I don't think I ever actually need that much).

I throw in the broth, milk and butter and bring to a gentle boil. Then I slowly slowly slowly whisk in corn meal little by little. It thickens up a lot as it cooks so when I say slowly, I mean about 1 or 2 tbsps at a time, whisk well for a minute or 2, then add a little more.  Once you get it to the consistency you want, add in your salt and pepper, and any cheese you would like to use. For this, we used pecorino romano (you can get a giant hunk of the Locatelli one at Costco. SO GOOD.)

And then. Plate.

Unbelievably good.

So I hope that was helpful. I'm an Italian cook for sure- everything is "quanto basto" (to taste).  So maybe writing recipes isn't really my forte. Ha!

Loves!

ALL THE FEELS

So this has been a long time coming. I have been SUCH a slacker about this blog. There have been a few times were I made something that was deliciously fantastic, and started to blog about it, and didn't get around to finishing. I just have not had it in me.

The scoop. Last April, while we were house hunting, I was ergo wearing my 1 year old. For at least 10 hours a day. While standing and looking at homes. On the plane ride home I noticed that my back was killing me and would not settle down. Our chiro tried working on it, but nothing was really helping. He said he thought it could be a disc issue....but then we moved to Charleston, and I started to see another chiro.

After about a month, my new chiro, Dr. Kukes of Elite Health solutions, said the same thing and I went for an MRI in early September. And what he said was "I have never seen an MRI this bad with the amount of flexibility and movement you have." Basically, it's because I have 2 toddlers and zero choices about being able to move around and function. I wasn't letting it effect my life. I was just pushing through the pain and doing what I needed to do.

With 3 bulging discs, but still able to walk, stand, and do life, I was doing all the natural things I could think of to fix the problem.  I drank warm lemon, cayenne pepper, black pepper, & turmeric water every morning. I took 4 fish oils (omega 3's), 3 hemp oils, 2 BCQ supplements, and a raw vitamin d supplement to help stop inflammation. I did all the stretches I'm supposed to, I foam rolled, I stayed as active with walking as I could. I did acupuncture. I drank all the anti-inflammation smoothies. I did not, however, stop picking up my son. I also occasionally still stuck him in the ergo because desperate times and all. I did not stop DOING ALL THE THINGS, or even slow down doing them, because of pain.

By Christmas time, it was definitely not feeling great, but I thought since we were going up to Jersey for 2 weeks and the hubbs was off from work that I'd get a nice relaxing break- no cooking, no cleaning, help with running after the small one. I also got a super intense deep tissue massage right before we left. Christmas break was supposed to be my saving grace.

Instead- the massage made me a little achey. The tightness in my hip was apparently keeping everything in check. And the cold weather seeped into my bones, and I suddenly started to notice where they said my disc had completely degenerated in the form of a bone-deep, arthritic ache that nothing could touch.

The drive home was unpleasant. And during those 12 hours, hubbs and I discussed our plan forward for life. By the end of the Jersey trip, in order to stand up straight and walk, I had to lay down and stretch for at least 10 minutes. Even after I would just go to the bathroom- any kind of sitting meant I had to start all over again with the stretching to get me totally straight again. But once I got walking, I was fine. But we both decided that it wasn't really feasible to continue life with 2 active kiddos that way. And we agreed that perhaps now was the time to call in the hail mary and get the cortisone shot. We thought, just one and done, and I can continue to get my back into shape with exercise and supplements, but still be able to do all the things I need to do.

We make plans and God laughs.

I made an appt with the Spine Institute right down the road from my house. They saw me for about 15 minutes, looked at my MRI from September, told me I should get the shot, sent me downstairs for it, and in I went. I asked not to be sedated (which was just what they typically did). They gave me an IV in my arm "just in case" and sent me into a waiting area. It was all very assembly line like. The doctors administering the shot were joking about vacay time and stuck me in the back with a giant needle and sent me on my way. They said it could take up to 14 days to feel the effects so they would see me back in 2 weeks.

Enter my own personal hell.

It did not feel any different when I left. Which I thought was a little weird. But whatevs. That night was pretty bad, but I took some ibuprofen and was able to get a little sleep. The next day the shit hit the fan in a big way.

I was writhing on the floor in pain, after attempting to come down the stairs and make breakfast for my kiddos. Pretty sure I threw a bag of crackers at them, grabbed my phone and sobbed to the nurse. The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before. She said it was normal and she would have a prescription waiting for my hubbs to go pick up and fill.

It was, of course, for a pill that not only was NOT an anti-inflammatory, but also was not a great one for a nursing mamma- something I told them multiple times that I am. Awwwwwweeeeeeesome.

So I scoured our medicine cabinets and found a bottle of oxycodon from my c-section with baby boy. They were old, but it was almost full and I knew it was safe for nursing. So those kept me alive that week. I couldn't move. I could barely crawl out of bed to go to the bathroom, nursing positions were agony, sitting, standing, laying down- all of it were just the most pain I have ever been in. I would rather have a c-section EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK then go through that pain again. I called the nurse every day to tell her how bad it was and that I didn't think it was normal (and neither did any one else) but she said it was fine, and that if I was still nursing then I could just take ibuprofen. Super super helpful.

I went to my chiro in the hopes that he could do something, anything to help relieve the pain that the oxy was only taking the edge off of. I was literally bent over in half trying to walk into his office. He told me that my back was in such a severe spasm it was no wonder I was like that. He used a heating pad with moisture to try and relax the spasming. He had to do that 3 different times that week, and I finally bought one so I could do it at home. We also started using a TENS machine in the hopes that it would help tame the inflammation and spasming. I also bought one of those.

My acupuncturist tried to help as well, and it did for a bit, but this pain was ridiculous and would not be killed. Hubbs took the rest of the week to work from home so he could take care of the kids, and my mom flew down over the weekend, because it was pretty clear that I was unable to be at home alone.

The 2 week mark was approaching, and I went ahead and cut off any other appointments with the Spine Institute. It was pretty clear they had no interest in individual patients, and they didn't really know what they were doing, since they essentially paralyzed me for 2 weeks. The pain started to back off a bit, but there was no walking happening. There was barely standing. Sitting didn't feel that great either.

 I scheduled an appt with back specialist Dr. Bright McConnell, but he's crazy busy (because he's amazing) so it took 2 weeks to get in to see him (and it was only that soon because of a cancellation in his schedule). In the meantime, I tried to do the TENS machine, and ice and use the moist heat whenever I could, and I tried desperately to get around, even though it was completely hunched over. I used the stroller to lean on as much as possible. And then I realized. I needed a cane.

That's right. Big old, blingy cane. And yes, I managed to go out for a girl's night because it had been almost 2 months of me laid up in my house and I wanted to get all pretty again. I, of course, did that sitting down (which drying your hair in bed is strangely relaxing). But I did it. I was not super prepared for the staring (or maybe I just thought people were staring) but whatevs. It is what it is. So I rolled with it.

And also. Yes. That is the absolute most I could stand straight up. And I was pushing it so I could get a decent picture. I was full queen of the tilt.

And I was still under the impression that this was an easy fix.  I've known plenty of people who have bulging discs and they bounce back pretty quickly.

And then, the day before my first appointment with Dr. McConnell, I was sitting on the couch, and suddenly, everything from my hip down went all pins and needles. It felt like a waterfall inside my leg. I got up to go to the bathroom, and on the way back, I remembered what my mom had said about the heel and the toe test. If you can still walk on just your heels, and just your toes, then it's fine. So I tried it. And when I tried to walk on my toes, my whole foot rolled . Tried again. Same story. So I cried, and called my mom, who told me to call my chiro, who had me come in.

Turns out, I have nerve damage. I didn't have nearly as much feeling in my left foot and calf as I did on the right (couldn't really tell the difference between a sharp pokey thing and a dull one). This raised the stakes considerably. Because if I didn't get this crap worked out, and soon, I would probably have permanent nerve damage.

So I went to the doc and had some scary conversations and then was scheduled for another MRI. Apparently, everyone and their mother must be breaking themselves in Charleston, because between all of the Imaging places, the soonest they could get me in was 1 week. And then another almost full week to go back to the doc to talk about it. And yup. Between September and February, I had absolutely done more damage. My S1 was now invited to the party, not just L4 and L5. Thank you hip, for crapping out on me, too.

So we scheduled me to see Dr. Goltra, who is basically brilliant, and not only does he do cortisone shots, but he also is the guy that reads the MRI's to tell you what's going on. It took FOREVER to get in to see him (again- super popular and brilliant), but when the nurse heard I could barely walk, had 2 toddlers to take care of and it had been almost 2 full months of me being non-functional, she stuck me in a cancellation slot.

It, of course, was the week the hubbs got sent to Seattle for work. So my parents drove down to take care of me. Seriously...who can even live without them??? Filling my freezer with SO MUCH FOOD and taking care of the kids. Dropping their lives to help me out. They are just the best.

So in I go. And he tells me that I have a mild spinal stenosis. Which means my spinal column is too narrow, and over the years it gets more and more narrow. Which means, if I have bulging discs, it will affect my nerve a lot more quickly because it doesn't have very far to go. AWESOME. He also tells me that it is fully pushing on my nerve (cue foot falling asleep all the time, 2 toes that are constantly pins and needles, and peg leg if I try to walk for more than 10 minutes at a time). I stand up and turn around and he says that he can physically see that my nerve is swollen- and if he can see that through my clothes and skin it means I've REALLY managed to piss it off. It's no wonder I'm in this much pain, why on earth did I go to the Spine Institute, and he knows he'll be able to help. And also, NOT to go get surgery. He said "If anyone tells you you need surgery, you come talk to me."

And then he gives me 2 shots. One is the typical cortisone shot. The other he's putting basically directly on my nerve to tame it out, otherwise I'd never be able to do any sort of rehab on my back.

It works IMMEDIATELY. I can stand up straight. I walk to the car. Dad drives me home. I try and walk up the stairs. My leg is now complete jelly (I was warned this may happen) and Dad is behind me, trying to make sure I don't fall while I'm cracking up because no matter what I do, my leg refuses to listen to me. Novocaine of the leg for sure.

I make an appointment for 3 weeks later. I am told that I am still not to push it. No real walking, not too much standing. Basically what I've been doing for the past 2 months, to allow the shot to heal me. I *try* to listen, but let's face it, I don't. I mean, I kinda do, but I pushed it a bit. And I felt it.

So 3 weeks later, I get the 2 shots again. And I'm given the all clear to start physical therapy. Where I'm currently 2 weeks in. Doing traction and stretches. Not much else. Walking, with a stroller or some sort of support, until my foot starts to go numb (which is currently about 6 minutes). If the numbness is still occurring that means the nerve is still aggravated, which should be worked out by the traction after a while. And THEN I can FINALLY do strength training and yoga.

HOLY LORD it's been a loooooong process. The original shot from hell was mid January. It's now April, and I still can't do things like bring my kids anywhere by myself without doing some serious damage to my back. And yes. I've tried. BECAUSE I NEVER LEARN THINGS.


In the midst of all of this, my amazing friends sat me down (well, I was already sitting, wrapped up in my blanket because apparently I was now cold all the time as well), and they said "we know it's hard to accept help. But we're sistering you. And you have no choice. Just take it." Which is basically the best thing that anyone could ever say. Cause they're right. If they asked what they could have done for me, I would have said "Nothing. We're fine. But thank you." And then hubbs, who was doing all the things all the time, would've cheerfully choked me. But they didn't ask. They told. And they brought us meals. And they played with our kids. And they brought me chocolate and magazines. And they hung out in our driveway so that I wouldn't have to walk anywhere, just sit in my chair wrapped up in a blanket.

And I read a whole lot. And I realized a whole lot. I realized how very blessed we were to move into a community a few short months prior, and to have made such amazing friends, who were there when I was down for the count. Most of whom lived in my cul-de-sac. God put us exactly where we needed to be. I also realized that PERHAPS the reason we were in this mess is because I super super suck at accepting help, never mind trying to ask for it. Little Miss I-Can-Do-It-By-Myself learned some serious lessons in humility. And also, the beauty of leaning on your village.

There was a night when hubbs got some weird 24 hour pukey bug, and there was a crock pot of food sitting on our high countertop. I almost tried to reach up to put it in the fridge but realized that if I ever wanted to get better, I had to start acknowledging that I could no longer lift ALL THE THINGS. I texted my neighbor Kirsten for assistance. I admit, it was hard to ask for help. But she, and later, hubbs, both agreed that if I had tried to lift that crock pot, there may have been a throw down. And after she left, I realized I was a little proud of myself for finally reaching out. And I've tried to be good about it since then. Tried being the key word.

I'm just starting to get back into the kitchen. I'm not making any fancy pants things. I don't always make bread- sometimes I allow him to buy the organic fresh baked stuff from Whole Foods. Hubbs always has to help. And most of the time, I do as much as I can sitting down. We hired a cleaning crew to come every other week. I actually hired Kirsten's niece to watch the kiddos when I go to physical therapy. I mean, WHO EVEN AM I!?!?!

Most days, I'm ok with all of this. Some days, I feel like I'm failing at life since my whole job in life is to take care of the kids and the house. But I'm trying to give myself some grace. This is just a season, and keeping all the people alive is my job-  the clean house and yummy food is a nice benefit for all. (Please see "Cleaning up is not my destiny" by my brilliant friend, Michelle).

And maybe it's all the reading of all the books I've done (hello Jen Hatmaker, Shauna Niequist, Glennon Melton, and THE BIBLE)- but I'm noticing a softening of my heart. There's way less anger and rage. Way more compassion and grace. Which is interesting for this blog, as it's based on raging about all the ways I hate Monsanto and how our government is poisoning us. Which I still believe. I'm just not into yelling about it as much anymore. I'm trying more of a gentle nudge approach. So there's that. At some point there'll be a whole post on that. I've got other things on my mind currently...

So, yeah. You haven't heard from me in a while. And this is why. I'm still healing. I actually tried to write this post a month ago. I got a ways through it, and then my computer decided not to save it. And I was all done with that nonsense.

And also, this is a better place to leave it.

Taking this stuff one day at a time. Trying to find the humor. Hoping I haven't broken myself permanently. I'm not gonna win any awards by paralyzing myself trying to do it all alone.

I have really smart friends (near and far) who have gently beaten that into my skull. And I'm a slow learner, but I'm getting there.

Loves!

So this whole blogging thing...

Apparently, I'm not very good at it. It was SO. MUCH. EASIER. with just one kiddo. That second one. MAN 2 kids is a time suck vortex. I have zero ideas how people with more than 2 even handle life. Kuddos. For reals.

Anyhow, this is basically a post just to say I'm still alive, sometimes just hanging on by a thread, but here. I'm still navigating our crunchy lifestyle in the south. I'm meeting new people and getting some really good info which I'm stoked about....cause Whole Foods for everything is getting a little boring. I need a little variety in my life.

I'm also posting a lot less on FB. Not intentionally.....well kinda intentionally. I'm trying to just maybe not be on social media as often. Although the beginning of September was girlfriend's birthday party, my birthday, parents visiting, and all sorts of fun shenanigans so OVERPOSTER for sure. But I'm trying to hold back a bit now. And outside of the food pics I've put up, it's been some fairly lame repeats for the past month. Still yummy, just not exciting picture worthy foods. I would love to get back to doing new things almost nightly and blogging about all my fun discoveries...but we live on this AMAZEBALLS cul-de-sac and right around 5pm, all the kiddos are home from various schools and the mammas are home and it is time to get our play on. That used to be primetime dinner prep, but you know? Chilling out is way more important. So I braise some stuff during boyfriend's nap (and let's be honest....braises don't photograph well), and that way I can hang. I hover right in between introvert and extrovert and after a full day with just the kidlets, I SUPER DESPERATELY NEED TO TALK TO LOGICAL BEINGS. FOR. THE. LOVE. Otherwise, I end up talking to the hubbs like he's a child, and that works out for no one.

So there's my litany of excuses of why I suck at blogging right now. And possibly for the foreseeable future. Although....light at the end of the tunnel- perhaps I can start sneaking away once boyfriend falls asleep and type a little. He loves to snuggle, but lately big sister has been his target, and I'm all in on that train. We shall see.

In the meantime, I've found a few life hacks that have been helping budget wise and "I just can't find it out here" wise. For starters, we get INCREDIBLE bacon. This bacon is life affirming. It's black forest bacon from whole foods. There's also some seriously delish hickory smoked bacon from Ted's Butcherblock. Both are thick cut goodness, and render out some serious fat. We pour it into mason jars and BAM. Lard. Because I cannot find organic lard. And I need it to make tortillas and carnitas and fry potatoes in and just in general I need lard in my life. Trying to use all of the animal and all. Totally worth it.

Also trying to heal from 3 bulging discs. Apparently, my son hit the tipping point of how much weight I could carry on my front for hours on end while standing around and I went and ruined my lower back and hips. Awesometastic. So I've been trying to naturally get rid of inflammation using food, stretching, and foam rolling instead of cortisone shots. I'm also getting regular massages from a massage therapist and gonna give acupuncture a go. Frankincense oil has been so fabulous to rub right where the pain is- way better than any OTC ibuprofens or muscle rubs. I've been taking BCQ supplements (Bromelain, Curcumin, and Quercetin). I'm adding a lot more turmeric into my diet as well (curcumin) but since bromelain is from pineapples and I'm allergic to them, I have to stick to these supplements. Also omega 3 fish oils and vitamin d for absorption. I'm also drinking bone broth. Not gonna lie- I do not love it. It's not horrible but I'd rather make food with it than just straight drink it. If all of this works to heal my back I'll write a more detailed post about it, since I have had a hard time finding info on it, but I know I don't want to just take a shot of something to make me feel better but that ultimately will weaken the ligaments and not promote the healing of these discs. Meanwhile, I'm trying to convince my son that strollers are awesome....he's currently not buying it.

I'm also reading a poop book. BECAUSE OF COURSE I AM. I thought we were all done with the holding back in April. It seemed we were completely on board to just poop when you have to poop. We even started holding back a bit with the prune juice. And then. Potty training. So girlfriend has known how to pee in the potty for a year and a half. She never goes over night, rarely has accidents in underwear, and loves to announce to people that she's a big girl and always pees and poos in the potty (which is just not accurate- she's pooped once in the potty). So there are days she asks to wear underwear. And on those days, she REFUSES to poop. Doesn't talk about it or anything. Just holds it in. And then, we're right back to me poop doula-ing it out of her after 2 or 3 days, sitting in the bathtub and cheerleading it on. UGH. No one enjoys this. And it's been 2 years now, so I'm just OFFICIALLY OVER IT.

So I bought the book "It's No Accident- Breakthrough solutions to your child's wetting, constipation, uti's, and other potty problems" by Steve Hodges.  Not gonna lie. Don't love his love for miralax. But he does have a lot of good advice in this book, and insight. And I am totally gonna do an enema on girlfriend because I have a feeling if we x-rayed her we'd find a pretty good sized poop mass. I'm hoping we can clear her out, and then get a fresh start with the pooping and the potty training- leaving out the miralax and keeping things soft with more fiber and more prune juice. It's just all a work in progress right now.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. everything comes down to poo.

loves!!

CHERRY. FLIPPING. MAZURKAS. or, how my life got infinitely better with 1 bite

I wondered around my whole life. Thinking I knew exactly what my favorite dessert was. Knowing there was a song about it. (pretty sure that's about something else ENTIRELY, but didn't know any better in middle school). My very favoritest pie. Cherry. Nothing was better. It was red and sweet and tart and amazing and heavenly and it wasn't always available but when it was. BAM. Game on. Love love love.

When we hopped on the real foods train, I thought I'd have to leave it for good. We don't eat processed nonsense out of a can, and the only cherry pies I had ever had were processed cherries out of a can. Do not ask me why I did not think to just buy cherries and make the filling myself. I just didn't. Leave me alone.

And then, yesterday, I was happily scrolling along my instagram feed, when Shauna Niequist posted a pic of some cherry mazurkas she made. Mazurkas?? What the heck is that? And did she say cherry??? And also- WOMAN POST THE RECIPE!!

Raspberry Mazurka is one of the only recipes I could find that looked even similar to Shauna's, and another commenter posted that recipe and said she really liked that one. Shauna said that one looked better than hers and so. I got to baking.

It just so happens that on a recent jaunt to Costco I grabbed a huge frozen bag of organic cherries. Pitted and everything (WOOHOO LESS WORK!). However, I didn't notice that they were sweet and not tart cherries. So I threw about half the bag in a pot with some lemon zest (because when making fruity compotey things ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS add lemon zest and juice. trust me. and Carla Hall, cause that's totally her jam. literally.)  And I added just a teeny bit of sugar. Make it to your taste and you can't go wrong.

Put em on a low heat and let em simmer and break down, and you can help it along with a potato masher. I like a chunky jam so I don't need to smash that much. Then at the end add a little cornstarch to thicken it up a bit. (organic please- non organic corn is full of nasty).

I probably could've eaten the entire pot. But I didn't.

Meanwhile, get your crust together. I used the raspberry mazurka as a base recipe above but tweeked it a bit. I needed to use 1 1/2 cups of melted butter to get the consistency I wanted. And I threw in a little salt for good measure because I used raw, unsalted walnuts. I also was a leeeetle short on coconut flakes, but that didn't seem to matter because it's still perfection. And grease the pan with melted butter. Because just through away your "cooking spray". Nonsensical garbage. It made WAY too much. I used the size baking pan she suggested, and I STILL had enough to make a mini mazurka to freeze for sometime this fall when I'm lazy and want pie. (they say it's like a granola bar, but that's straight up nonsense. This is like the most fantastic form of a pie ever).

Lay down the crust (similar to a cheesecake crust, the way you need to compact it. I let it ride up the edges of the pan so that the cherries didn't all dribble out the sides. Then sprinkle the layer over the top and lightly pat that. I like the top a bit crumbly so no need for compaction there.

Had I not been bombarded with tiny people, this would have taken about 20 to 30 minutes to prep. Alas, that is never the case when I'm in the kitchen. And I have a tendancy to royally screw up new recipes by not reading correctly and being generally brainless, so I took my sweet time. About an hour.

Then you throw it in the oven for 20 to 25 minutes at 350 degrees. And then you're supposed to wait an agonizingly long time for it to cool before you cut it. I of course did not wait. Because warm baked goods.

SO. GOOD.

loves!

The one where we move across the country

Yup. It's finally happening. We're packing up this crazy and heading back east. Charleston, SC to be specific. This is a move that has been 2+ years in the making. The last time we talked about it here was when I announced we weren't moving like we thought, AND I was pregnant with little man...the double shock that had me reeling for quite a while.

But it's here now. And don't get me wrong. It would have been hard to move then. But now?? Now, it seems impossible.

It's impossible that I'm moving my tribe. Away from my people. Away from their playmates. Away from my playmates. Away from our church family. It's impossible, and it's happening. And it's getting a little too real in here for my liking...

I know this is the plan for our family. We were sent down to SC for a house hunting trip. While we were there, our house here went on the market. We found, and put an offer on a house in a fabulous part of Mt. Pleasant. Where we met the neighbors. Who just moved in 2 weeks ago and have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. And the house was $50,000 under our budget. And we can build a tree house in the backyard. And while we were doing all that? We got 2 list price offers on our house. 2. And ended up getting more than asking price.And every. single. devotional I've done has been about change, and God's timing, and affirming that this is the right move for us.

But it's not making things easier for me.

The idea of being so close to our family in Jersey? That makes me leap for joy. A car ride, and not a 6 hour plane ride. The same time zone. If needed, an hour and a half plane trip. Especially as little man is hitting that lovely age where he hates sitting still and can't be entertained for more than 20 minutes at a time. The ability to host Thanksgiving for my family at MY HOUSE. All of that is so exciting.

Not exciting? Finding all new playmates for my kidlets. Finding another tribe to do coffee and parks and venting and leaving the kiddos in a room and letting them fend for themselves and life together with. That's gonna take time. And I'm not a patient woman. Also? I suuuuuuuuuuuuuck at making friends. Super suck at it. Like, I bought 2 books on HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS. because I'm lame. (the one I read already is amazeballs- "Women are Scary" by Melanie Dale. It's like she jumped in my brain and wrote about it.)

Momlationships- I love having them. I'm scared shitless making them. I suffer from the "I'm so not cool enough to go and talk to her because why on earth would SHE want to talk to me? I'm such a nerd." Combine that with my bitchy resting face and you have a recipe for disaster. People end up thinking I'm a total snob. I'm also uber awkward, snort laugh, and loudly over share. ALWAYS. Wanna be my friend??

And there's something a little bit magical about my tribe here. A lot a bit magical. I'm not trying to kid myself into thinking this will be recreated somewhere else. And it makes my heart hurt. I can't really think about it, because I just go straight into ugly cry. Typically, the hubbs gets to deal with the hiccuping sobs that hit me if I start to think or talk about leaving too much.

And in the meantime? While I should be getting to spend as much time as possible with people that I love....I got sick. Then the kidlets got sick. Girlfriend got a fever for the 2nd time ever....It lasted for A WEEK and got up to 105 for 2 nights. WWWHHHHHAAAAAATTTT????? Are you kidding me? I get it. We're stressed, we dealt with time change, crazy all day outings looking for houses, being on airplanes, eating craptastic food. But COME ON. we basically hunkered down in our house for 2 weeks. Except when the home inspection was done on our house. When I took two sick kiddos out of bed and drove them around for THREE HOURS. Cause I'm sure that helped them feel better. Timing and all.

And now we have, as a friend so eloquently put it, 17 fucking days left. 17. Days. It's just. I'm ready. I'm ready to not live in limbo. To get into this new house and make it our own. To feel like we can get back to some sort of routine instead of the "throw the kids in front of a movie so mommy and daddy can get done the 74 thousand things we need to do before we leave". I'm ready for that.

I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to not have regular playdates. I'm not ready to be the new girl in town. To have the new kids in town. To have to explain how we roll to new people. I'm not ready and I'm a little scared and I'm a lot sad and all the feelings. I'M ALL THE FEELINGS.

And I have to learn to be granola in a new place. A place where they are WAY behind in the organic movement. Not to mention our alternative vaccine schedules, holistic approach to meds, and favoring a naturopath over a pediatrician. Not sure that will be widely accepted. But we're moving in, crunchy guns blazing.

It's been a while. And this is why. The meals have been basic repeats, when we have time to cook. I've gotten real pissy about lots of goings on. But I can't find a second to write about it.

And so that's what's up here.

I'm sure our 2 WEEK CAR TRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH A 1 AND 3 1/2 YEAR OLD will give me some blog fodder.

loves!

If you love breakfast, make this pasta NOW (in 20 minutes total!) Spaghetti Carbonara

I love bacon and eggs. Always and forever. We eat eggs every. single. day. There's nothing better for breakfast. Nothing. The kiddos agree. And bacon? Duh. (whole foods dry rubbed black forest bacon. get it).

So when I'm feeling lazy/ want to eat breakfast for dinner, I whip out a pasta carbonara. Bacon and the eggs are the sauce. However, I haven't been super successful in making this dish in the past. Don't get me wrong, it's still been delicious, but it hasn't been that creamy goodness that I dream of. Until yesterday.

I've tried Mario Batali''s recipe, and you had to separate the eggs, and it was work, and I screwed it up and made slightly scrambled egg pasta. So last night, I used Clinton Kelly's recipe as my base. Ummmm....AMAZEBALLS. So easy, and the best carbonara I've ever had hands down. Because I was feeling like a lot of veggies but didn't feel like making a salad, I took a few liberties with what I added in there. I'm sure it would have been just as amazing if I had followed his recipe exactly, but I think my stuff put it over the top!

So. You make some bacon. Obvs. And buy good bacon. The one I referenced above will change your life. No exaggeration. Then drain some of the bacon grease (but you save that shit in a mason jar because cooking in it is heaven and you don't have to go try to find a good lard which is exactly nowhere most of the time). At the same time, put on a pot of boiling, salty as the sea water for the pasta.

I cut up cherry tomatoes, scallions, some frozen peas, and some frozen corn. They work really well together and then you don't need side dishes. It's all about the lazy, people.

Whisk the eggs into a bowl with a good dose of that starchy pasta water (obviously, let the spaghetti cook for a few minutes to get starchy enough. And add it slowly to the eggs, because you don't want to cook them. He has all this in his directions, but I figured I'd be thorough. Add salt and a lot of pepper and grated parmesan to the egg mix.

Throw the veggies and the bacon into your skillet that you cooked the bacon in, with the bacon grease and a little olive oil. Once the pasta is almost done, add it to the skillet, along with a ladleful of pasta water (or more as needed). The pasta will finish cooking in the skillet and soak up all the goodness and be nicely prepared to accept the egg mix.

REMOVE THE PASTA FROM THE SKILLET. So important, otherwise, you'll have an egg scramble. Put it in a bowl. Then slowly add in the egg mix. Stir. Grate some more parm over it because cheese. Eat immediately.

Holy. Freaking. Crap. I could seriously eat this every day of the week. Clinton Kelly is a genius with adding the pasta water to the mixed eggs. And it's SO EASY. It took about 20 minutes to throw this together, start to finish.

This will not disappoint.

Cuban Sandwiches- An Immediate Do!

So I have never attempted to make Cuban food. Not sure why. It wasn't super popular where I grew up so I guess I never really thought about it before. We rock Mexican food all the time, but not many other Latin cuisines.

Then, we watched the movie "Chef". And it totally changed our lives. For starters, once the kids are old enough, we're buying a food truck and just traveling across the country cooking.

Also, it inspired us to try to make some Cuban food. And since the hubbs is all about a sandwich (and I'm all about making bread), we started with the Cuban sandwich. And I had a little help from Three guys from Miami. There is a shortage of blogs out there dedicated to Cuban food. But these guys seem to know what they're talking about. I used their recipes for the Cuban bread, the lechon asado, and the Cuban sandwich. I highly recommend all 3.

So here's what I did a bit differently.

The bread.  OH MY GOSH THE BREAD. Hands down, the best sandwich bread (especially for a toasted sandwich) that I've ever eaten. And they are right. ALWAYS USE LARD. Always. It's hard to find a good lard- Whole Foods doesn't sell it for some reason. And our trusted butcher (now BB Ranch because Bill the Butcher closed) only sells it sometimes. This time they only had duck fat. It worked beautifully. Just bring on the fat.

There are not enough words in the english language to describe this bread. But here's what I would do differently. I would not make one ginormous loaf. It was massive. I would break it into at least 3 loaves.

The lechon asado (roasted pork) was also phenomenal. I used all the ingredients they said to (although I did use fresh oranges, limes and lemons instead of sour orange juice. I enjoy fresh squeezed). I did however cook it totally different. I of course did not read the recipe instructions before making it, so I missed the whole poke holes throughout the pork and let it sit in the marinade overnight piece of it. Oopsie. So I improvised. And let me tell you. Deliciousness happened. For starters, I stabbed the pork shoulder all over with a small knife like they say to. Then I hacked up the pork shoulder into 5 big chunks. There is flavor in the brown (thank you Carla Hall!), and as many sides as can be browned, should be. So I threw some lard in a dutch oven, then browned on all sides each chunk of salted and peppered pork. Once it was all browned, I removed the pork, then started cooking all of the other ingredients. I softened the onions, I threw in the garlic, then added the juice and the oregano. I let that come to a boil and get all the bits of pork off the bottom of the pan, then I threw the pork chunks back in. I put that into a 225 degree oven and cooked that for about an hour and a half. Then I put it back on the stovetop and cooked a bit more. Once it was done, I took out all the pork, and I reduced the sauce that was left so it was nice and thick (warning, it gets saltier this way so don't go salt crazy in the beginning). This was a nice dipping sauce for the sandwich. Which is not in the recipe but I super heart a good dip.

We bought some smoked ham from our butcher. And let me just say. I've always hated ham. So has the hubbs. It just is not a flavor I enjoy....although I love EVERY OTHER PART OF A PIG. But this ham? This ham was stupid good. We bought a crap ton of it because it was just. so. good. I've put it in my eggs basically every single morning since we purchased it. SO. GOOD.

And we bought jarlsberg cheese. It's considered a baby swiss...a slightly milder flavor. I love a good, kick you in the teeth swiss, but the hubbs? Not so much. So we tasted a bunch at whole foods and that is the one we agreed upon. It still had some bite to it, but not so much that people in my house wouldn't eat it. And I will say that the pre-sliced swiss cheese? Just. Don't. It doesn't have nearly the same oomph. We bought a good ole hunk of cheese from the fancy pants cheese section and sliced it ourselves. You get more for your money, and you get WAY more flavor. You're welcome.

We also did the yellow mustard and the dill pickles. Organic of course. We were a bit skeptical of the yellow mustard, which neither of us has eaten since we were approximately 8. But it totally works with this sandwich.

And no, we don't have the special, Cuban sandwich maker but we do have a flat cast iron griddle and a bacon press, so we just used that. And the best sandwich in the history of ever was eaten that night.

 And the salad on the side you ask? It's orange slices, avocado, and bacon. With a little salt and pepper. It's amazing. I could eat this every single day of every single month of every single year. And I just might. I believe the idea came from a restaurant, then I saw a pic of it on a friend's Instagram. And I jumped on that band wagon real quick.


And of course, as we made 2 1/2 pounds of pork, we had some leftovers. And since I'm not big on eating the exact same meal 2 nights in a row, I made a sorta dip out of them. And I'll be honest. I think I like the left over meal better than the original!

I just cut up some peppers and onions, and threw them in a cast iron skillet with the pork that I cubed up, and some of that marinade, and added some gruyere. I got a little crisp on everything. Then I threw it in a bowl and topped it with some blood orange slices and avocado slices. (I left out the bacon because the pork acted as that salty, fatty goodness the salad screams for). Then I ate this with tortilla chips.

Brilliance!!!!!!

Seriously. This might be one of my favorite meals ever. And it's funny. What makes me SUPER HEART LOVE LOVE LOVE Cuban food is all the citrus they use. I'm a sucker for lemon, orange, and lime on any and everything. The hubbs? Not so much. He always calls me out on using too much. He obviously is wrong, of course. But I try to make food he'll like.

Anway, you should make this immediately. So good. So worth it. And so trendy right now!

Loves!

Snooty Brownies: aka brownies with goat cheese, fruit and lemon

There are not enough words. This dessert is PERFECT for people who don't love overly sweet desserts. I am that person. I like a little tart. And I love fruit and chocolate together. Or chocolate with anything really, let's be honest. So I found a desert on The Kitchn blog. I loved the ingredients, but wasn't a huge fan of how it was made. So I tweeked. And I love it!

I saw the ingredients and knew I needed to make this, but I have never liked brownies that had a cream cheesy filling that was baked in it. I love cheesecake, so I don't know why it bothers me when it's baked into brownies, but it just does. Perhaps it's because you need a cakier brownie to hold up that cheese and I do not enjoy a cakey brownie.

So I decided to stick to my tried and true Carla Hall brownie recipe (minus the nuts and marshmallows). I will say that I've always needed to cook them longer than the 20 minutes she suggests, but I'm also pretty sure that I've never used the correct pan to cook them in. And also, grease the crap out of the pan. These bad boys are STICKY. And wonderful just by themselves.

But then, while they're baking, go ahead and make essentially what is the icing for these brownies. I take out the goat cheese at least an hour before to soften it. And I used mascarpone, both because the flavor is better than cream cheese and also because the texture is creamier. I used about equal parts of each and I just eyeballed it to see how much I think I needed to cover the brownies. I added a little sugar too. That is all to your taste. Like I said, I don't love overly sweet desserts, so I only added a little pinch.

I also made a fruit compote to add. I just took a bunch of frozen berries, stuck them in a pot, put it on low heat, and let them break down (with some help from my potato masher). I added lemon zest and lemon juice and some sugar and about 1/2 tbsp of corn starch to thicken it a tiny bit. Again, this is all to your specific tastes. I like mine tart, so I add a little and taste until I get it how I like it. It's all very scientific.

I didn't just throw the berries into the goat cheese mixture because I didn't want it to be pink icing, I wanted to see a swirl. But you totally could and it would be delicious. I just wanted a good picture.

Once the brownies cooled a little bit, a started to ice it. It was not easy. The icing was thick, and it was a bit challenging to spread. I would have added more mascarpone if I had any left. So I resorted to using my finger to spread it. Then I spooned some fruit compote on and swirled it in.

The rest? Is magical dessert-y history.

Loves and dessert always!

Amazeballs! BEST SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS EVER AND EVER THE END

I've probably made that claim before. But this time, I super serious mean it. Because this was the best meal ever. Not only was it the PERFECT way to end a week that wasn't so hot (so. much. house. to. fix.), but it also just matched the rainy cold mood outside. 

I mean.......

Come on now. That's perfection in a bowl right there. This is one of those meals that we wish we had people over for because everyone should know how freakin delish this is. But I'll share all my secrets. And of course, some of them are not mine. Because internet.

The meatball recipe is courtesy of Alex Guarnaschelli. You see her judge on "Chopped", and she just recently became an Iron Chef. And the woman can give perfect mom face. And apparently, she also has a mother that created the world's greatest meatballs. I was skeptical at first because really? Sour cream in meatballs with gravy? But I decided to give it a try. So here's what I did.

I used half pork, half beef. I actually used half breakfast sausage from whole foods, which is just ground pork with some sage in it. I didn't taste the sage at all, so you could go either way with that. I also NEVER have fennel fronds, but I happened to have them, so I used those instead of the fennel seed, because fresh herbs in meatballs make life sing. I followed everything else exactly as she said to. I thought it was CA-RAZY to not use garlic or onions in the meatballs, but she knows what she's doing. Oh yeah, and also I made my own breadcrumbs. I just used some baguette I made, ground it up, and toasted it in the cast iron skillet with some butter and olive oil. I recommend this. I hate store bought breadcrumbs.

So I cooked mine in a big ole dutch oven. The one I then made my gravy in.

I did just like she said, brown on all sides and leave the center rare. It took me 4 separate rounds to make all of them. Then I started on the gravy. I didn't use her gravy recipe, because I really like mine, and I super don't like sugar in mine. So here's what I did.

Remove the meatballs from the dutch oven and add a touch more evoo. I used shallots this time because I didn't have any onions. I ended up using 2 pretty large shallots, diced up. Then added some garlic (I use the lightly toasted garlic in evoo that I always have on hand). I threw in some tomato paste- I use the squeezy tubes of it and used about half a tube. Which probably equals 2 to 3 tablespoons. I let that all cook together until it gets a nice deep auburn color. Then add 2 jars of crushed tomatoes. Currently, we use the Jovial Organic brand that are plum tomatoes from Italy. I believe it's the only brand of jarred crushed tomatoes that they sell at the Whole Foods by me. And I love that they don't add basil or anything to it. Just do me a favor and NEVER EVER EVER buy cans of crushed tomatoes. SO. MUCH. BAD. Just say no. I digress.

Then, I fill the jars about half way with filtered water, shake it up to get all the tomato remnants out of the jars, and add that to the pot. Then throw your meatballs back in, let it get to a low boil, then simmer for however long you feel like, but make sure the meatballs are cooked through before you turn it off. You won't even need to add salt or pepper because the meatballs impart such an amazing flavor. Caution- if you add salt at the beginning, it will almost definitely be too salty by the time it's done cooking.

Your entire house will smell like Italy and you will love it. You also will not be able to stop eating by the spoonfuls, or dunking bread into it while awaiting your spouse's arrival.

And also, you may have some adorable helpers who want to help you eat it by the spoonfuls. And take pictures.

Grating all the cheese. Nice work kiddo!

So yeah. Anytime you want a cozy, comfort meal, make this. It really doesn't take long at all, and it's SO WORTH IT. I'll be eating it again at 10:30 tonight after my son sucks the life out of me, er, nurses to sleep. For hours.

Amore!

The tastiest pulled pork ever ever

I am not a fan of pulled pork. I've discovered I'm actually not much of a fan of what's considered "American food". For example, if given American cheese, I will rage to the food gods. Because it's simply not cheese. Your typical casseroles, meatloaf, pot roast, etc etc. Never been a fan. Some say I'm a food snob. They may be correct. But if you're not going to thoroughly enjoy your meal, what's the point of eating it?

What I'm also discovering, is that there are no bad recipes on www.thechew.com. Well, disclaimer. I haven't ever cooked any of the recipes that were put on there by the home chefs, or some of the guest chefs. I'm only talking the host recipes here- Mario, Michael, Clinton, Carla and Daphne.

And, since then, I've stretched my palate to include those American meals that I've up until now dismissed. And I'm finding I really love them. Like, dream about them and eat them cold the next morning love them. And this is definitely one of them.

Mario Batali's Halloween pulled pork sandwich. I happened to have pork shoulder just waiting to be made into carnitas. But I had 5 1/2 pounds of it, so I figured since it was just babygirl and I, we could take a pound or so and try this out. Plus, I had some sort of squash in my fridge that was never going to be eaten by us (it was a default item in our local produce delivery service last week, and we typically are not fans of squash). So this recipe looked perfect.

For the condiment for the sandwich, Mario says to make a pumpkin puree. Well, this kinda looked like pumpkin, right? Whatevs, it totally worked.

Roasted squash, roasted garlic, parmesan, nutmeg, and brown sugar. Works for me!

The brine for this was really interesting (a whole bottle of red wine if you're gonna use 3-4 pounds of pork shoulder). But by a half hour in, the smell in my house was amazing.

I actually followed his recipe (outside of the pumpkin thing) exactly. Because I happened to have all of those ingredients.  And I still had some of my crusty Italian bread left over from Sunday night, so I just used that and made open faced sandwiches.

Voila. Deliciousness. And delicious the next day. Looks like I'm a pulled pork fan after all.

Loves!

Tapas Gone Wild! inside-out stuffed dates

I super love tapas. Everything about it totally suits my style. I always want about 47 different things on the menu, and unless I'm eating with that many people, pretty sure I'm not ordering that much food. Plus, I can't eat a lot of food at one time (a lingering side effect from years of stupid stomach issues), so the small plates totally work for me. And in 30 minutes when I'm hungry again? I can order another small plate. (this little issue is the bain of hubbs' existence. oh he of the I-can-just-eat-one-huge-meal-and-be-good-for-the-rest-of-the-day clan).

Anyway, my faves are usually the things that are shoved into a date. goat cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped dates?  BRING IT. And then, we hit a new tapas place and saw that they stuffed the dates with chorizo. Wait. WHAT!?! This is a brilliant idea. Except. No cheese? Bland. So, I reinstated the goat cheese. And then I was all "do I REALLY feel like shoving all this into a tiny little opening? that seems like work". And lo and behold, my newest "dip" was created. And I have no link to send you to cause this was all out of my brain!

I only have one pic, cause this dish took about 4 minutes to come together.

I used:
3 chorizo links (whole foods- so they're brat sized)
6 fresh dates (had to remove the pits myself, but if you do it with scissors you kinda feel like you're playing that game Operation and it's fun)- again we get these at whole foods in the produce section, they come in a tupperware thingie
a good hit of goat cheese
a good hit of cream cheese
a little honey if you find the chorizo has too much spice for you
grape tomatoes, cut in half
cotija cheese to grate over top

if you can find loose chorizo you don't have to slit the casing and empty it out, but whole foods only carries it in links, and I always feel the teensiest bit guilty when I ask them to take it out of the casings for me. Anyway, go ahead and empty those out into a hot cast iron skillet with some oil and brown it up. then throw in your chopped up dates, tomatoes, and your cheeses. Goat cheese is a really powerful flavor, but since I like a really creamy dip, I use cream cheese as well (also helps with that whole spicy thing for the toddler). It really is just putting a bit in and tasting it until it's delicious for you. I don't even add salt and pepper to this because the chorizo itself has so much flavor, as do the tortilla chips you eat it with.

Side note: Buy the in-house made tortilla chips from whole foods. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Not in any restaurant ever in the US have I tasted chips like this. They're heavenly.

Anyway, heat everything up, then throw it in a bowl and grate cotija over it. Then dig in.

Seriously, the best.

And it's 100% ok to eat this "appetizer" as a main course. Because I said so. And I would never steer you wrong.

Loves!

Mexican Pot Roast Tacos. Just Say Yes.

Yup. I love these. They are one step down from the amazing pork carnitas recipe I recently stumbled upon (because I love a pig. I do I do). But this is amazingly delish, and super easy to throw together. The meat is a fairly cheap cut (beef chuck roast), and you do a whole bunch then have leftovers, with which to make nachos, or sandwiches, or just eat it cold out of the fridge....You can cook it in a crock pot, but I really hate those things, so I did it in a dutch oven.  I used Tyler Florence's recipe because I wasn't finding anything I really liked in my "authentic Mexican pot roast" google search. And I love his dimples. So, of course.

You start by browning the meat. Then add some onions and garlic. I should note that from the burek I made the other night, I had leftover 1/2 lard, 1/2 oil- so I cooked the meat in that.

Then you add all the liquid and spices and bring to a boil. I didn't have ancho chil

i powder, but I had dried ancho chilis, so I just added a little warm water and used the blendtec to get it to a paste. I also used maybe a quarter of the amount of cayenne pepper he said to and the liquid was still CRAZY spicy....but not the meat.

It simmers for 3 hours then looks like this.

Then you remove from the liquid and break apart with a fork. You of course "taste test" the entire time you're doing this.

And then you thank the Lord that you made a triple batch of tortillas and froze a bunch so that you simply need to heat them up in a pan and BOOM. Pot roast tacos.

And tomorrow, pot roast nachos.

Done and done.

Loves!

Burek & Baklava- the Serbian/ Bulgarian Life

UPDATE. Michael Symon has a recipe for baklava, because of course he does. It is the best I've ever eaten. And it's pretty too....

this was my second time making baklava, first time making his recipe. the directions were easy and the result was amazing!



So. Hubbs is the big 35! And to celebrate, I made him a feast of his heritage. Although I know I didn't quite do Tete Yovanka justice, I tried as best I could. And here's how I did it.

I used blogs and the Bulgarian cookbook hubbs' parents got for us to make these.

For starters, to make my own phyllo dough, I used this blog. There is a Bulgarian dish called Bonitza that is very similar to burek, but I think the dough is thicker. Which is why I made my own. (I cheated for the baklava and used frozen, organic phyllo dough). I don't use this blog's filling because it's not how his aunt makes it. And feta > cottage cheese any day of the week.

So here's the recipe I used for the meat and cheese burek:

about 1 lb ground beef
1/2 lb ground pork
1 white onion
1/2 cup chopped parsley
salt and pepper
1 egg

I cooked the meat, onion and parsley. remove from heat then add the egg.

the cheese filling is just 1 lb feta (Bulgarian sheeps milk feta is the best, but French feta is a close second. Greek feta is not creamy enough).
2 eggs
Mix together

Then, you follow the directions from the blog as far as shaping and filling the dough. Do fold the dough over each layer. I did not do that and there was not nearly enough dough in the pie for all that meat and cheese. I made one layer meat, the other layer cheese, with a teeny bit of meat sprinkled on top.

In the cheese pie, the filling is a bit different. I added a cup of yogurt to it. And another 1/4 pound of cheese.

As I said, make sure you fold the dough over the layer instead of leaving it hanging over the side like I did.

Then follow the baking instructions from the blog. Once it's done cooking, cover it with a kitchen towel while it sets...hubbs' said that's how you keep the top soft.

And now for the Baklava.

I had to get creative since I didn't have enough walnuts, so we used half walnuts and half pistachios, which is actually quite delicious. And I thought that there was honey in it, but the Bulgarian calls for a sugar lemon syrup which you make instead of honey. Still delicious.

You will need six sheets of phyllo dough if you only want one layer, which is what the recipe calls for, but I'm sure you could double it easily.
about 2 cups of butter, melted
about 2 cups of chopped walnuts
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 1/2 cups sugar
lemon juice

grease your baking pan
make the syrup by bringing sugar and 1 1/2 cups of water to a boil and cook for 10 minutes. turn off heat, then cool and add lemon juice, to taste. let cool.
layer 3 sheets of phyllo, buttering each one
mix the walnuts with the cinnamon and spread over the sheets
(at this point I added a little bit of the syrup I made because I thought it'd taste good over the nuts)
cover with the next 3 sheets, spreading melted butter on each one.
Bake at 400 degrees until top is golden brown.
Remove from oven and pour syrup over the top. Let it stand for 24 hours to soak.

I of course could not wait 24 hours to try it. So I had some and it was still delish. But I'm looking forward to my piece tonight that's been soaking!

Love, Eastern European style.