My Awesometastic Guide to Lazy Parenting

Disclaimer: I am (clearly) not a parenting expert. I have, however, found that what we did, and do, works REAL well for us, so I thought I'd share. And also, lazy. So YES.

I am not indicting your parenting style. You do you. Whatever works in this crazy game of parenting.

So. I've been thinking of writing this blog for some time now. Because I seem to end up in convos where someone asks me why I've done what I've done with my kiddos, and typically my answer is "I'm lazy". And I gotta say, the laziness has TOTALLY worked for my fam. Worked better than I ever imagined it would, quite honestly.

So here's the scoop. We had every intention of being "normal" parents- bought the crib, set up the room, had all the typical parenting books ready, bottles in the cupboard, breast pump purchased, the whole nine. Then, this happened.  Babygirl showed up at 29 weeks. All 2 lbs 10 oz of her. And in a flash, everything changed. I had 2 months in the NICU- 2 months where all I did was sit in a recliner and hold this very tiny person skin to skin. And while I did that, I read. A. LOT. It started with the kangaroo care (skin to skin) and from there, I entered into the world of attachment parenting. I had never heard of it, but it became clear pretty quickly that, ready or not, this would have to be our parenting style. Lucky for us, we fell head over heels in love with our daughter, and with this style.

I was terrified to put her in a crib to sleep- getting to watch your child stop breathing and need oxygen from a tank blown into her face a few times will do that to you. In the NICU, the nurses were kind enough to "not notice" that babygirl slept through most of the night on my chest. Her vitals were always best that way. And we continued the trend when we came home. There was just no way I was putting her down for sleep. Neither of us would get any sleep if I did that. She slept on my chest, nursed when she woke and was hungry, and we both drifted easily back to sleep. For the first 2 1/2 years of her life. Then I got pregnant, and at 28 weeks, my supply completely dried up, so the co sleeping continues, just not the nursing her. And now we're joined by our little man, who is just about a year old. Although his entrance into this world was no drama, I still just couldn't bring myself to put him in a crib. So we have our little family in our big king bed, and we love it.

So here's the lazy: we have zero amounts of bedtime routines, except prayers. Occasionally, there'll be a bath. Sometimes a book, depending on what time we manage to get upstairs (daddy has to work late a lot so dinner happens on the later side most days). We change into jammies, we giggle, we snuggle, and within about 15 minutes, both kiddos are out. Ok, both kiddos and daddy, who gets up at ass o'clock for work. No screaming, no crying, no asking for water, no "get back into bed".  Just a really nice, relaxing, cuddle fest. And that leaves mommy free to watch all the garbage television she can get on Hulu and Netflix, or read a book (my nightstand is well stocked with books, nightlights, snacks, remotes, and my phone. always be prepared).

This works on so many levels for us. Obvs, because we're lazy. Also, because we travel a ridiculous amount. Whether it be because the entire family decides to join daddy in California on a work trip for 3 weeks, or because we're constantly flying back and forth from here to Jersey to see our families. We spend an inordinate amount of time sleeping somewhere besides home. And not a pack and play, travel bassinet, extra bed/ room is needed. No packing all the extra things. No special blankies or stuffies, sometimes not even pj's (we generate a LOT of body heat between all of us). No hard nights cause the kiddos are somewhere new. Not even an issue with time changes, which amazes me. No settling back in to our "bedtime routine", or lack there of. Lazy. And awesome.

So. Bottles. When girlfriend was in the NICU, she was too tiny to eat. So for the longest time, they fed her through a tube up her nose. Around 33 weeks, we gave feeding her a try. They told us that bottles are easiest for their little jaws, so we would try that. And that if we wanted it right from the breast, expect to be in the NICU for a longer amount of time. She took a bottle fairly well, but didn't seem to like it so much (she had been latching on to my nipple since I started holding her, but not able to suck). So we got the first bottle out of the way, and I announced that that would be her last bottle until she was also able to nurse. Thank God for lactation specialists. They clued me into this amazing thing called a nipple shield, and girlfriend took full feeds immediately. Like, doctors were pretty amazed she was nursing so well immediately. And so, the bottles went bye bye. Cause I had had almost 2 solid months of nothing but pumping and I. WAS. OVER. IT. All the suction, and the cleaning, and the feeling like a cow, and the stretched out nips, and the cleaning. And then the warming and the filling up the bottles, and the finding a bottle that would work for her, and THE CLEANING. NOPE. No thanks. Plus, every time someone tried to give her a bottle, she'd slap it out of their hands. She had opinions. So, she simply went every where I did. And nursed wherever, whenever she liked. And I never had to clean pump parts and bottles again. Which was glorious!! And due to the cosleeping, I was not sleep deprived, and the hubbs didn't have to get up in the middle of the night, so he could still function at work. I didn't even bother buying bottles for little man. He's never had one, never will. And by the time girlfriend was a little over 1, she was drinking out of cups. All of this was made possible by my next lazy tip:

Moby/ ERGO/ Babywearing! Here's the thing. I used to work out. My nickname in my family was muscles, cause when it came to moving furniture, lifting heavy things, doing hard work, I was your man. And although I would rather get myself waxed everywhere than ever lift weights again, I'm still fairly strong. But. It is simply asinine to carry around a 20 pound effing infant car seat, along with a 30 pound diaper bag and then a baby. Why would anyone do this to themselves? That's a lot of shit to cart around. And those car seats don't fit well in anything- not grocery carts, not high chairs in restaurants, barely in a car. So I lived in a moby wrap until the babes were big enough for the Ergo carrier. They were never fussy because they were being held, so we never needed pacifiers (lazy lazy lazy, who feels like dealing with that drama when it's time to give them up), if they were hungry, the boobs were right there for the taking and usually no one noticed that I was constantly feeding my kiddos, I had my hands free to get shit done (and I really really love to make lists and get shit done....it's kinda my thing), and because I refused to pump and bottle, I never had to carry around bottles and paraphernalia in my diaper bag, making it significantly lighter. Lazy lazy lazy win. The kiddo witching hour when you're trying to get dinner together and baby just wants you? Wear em. Just be careful. We had a mishap with little man that makes me a million times more careful in the kitchen. But on the plus side, both my kids love to play in the kitchen and help. We'll talk about this more in another section. And for all the folks that told me my kids would never learn how to crawl/ walk etc....they both walked early. Oh joy of joys. I would have preferred lazier kiddos, quite honestly. We also didn't have to deal with strollers ever. Crowded places, airports, malls, parks....no strollers. So much easier to navigate. Until I got pregnant with little man, and by about 18 weeks wearing girlfriend was just no longer an option. but by that time she loved to walk, and the stroller was an ok option for her when she was (finally) tired. One less thing to pack and carry around. Because lazy.

Baby proofing. Never fully understood this concept. I mean, gate off some stairs for a while. But padding every. single. thing. in your house? That sounds like work. And so, we didn't. We just straight up didn't. We stuck those plastic thingies in the outlets, because electrocution. We kept the door closed to the cat room, cause kitty litter doesn't make a good snack. Other than that? Nope. We have a stone hearth and fireplace. No padding, and no accidents. I was a bit nervous with girlfriend, cause she was my first, but she always just seemed to know it was there and slowed down before she got there. I thought perhaps it was because she was a girl (although her fearlessness at the playground and the launching herself off of all the things would suggest that had nothing to do with it). But little man has also never had an issue with it. Actually, I happened to watch him one day, and he naturally slowed himself down before he got to the fireplace (right around 7 months old), then used it to stand himself up, looked around, and got back down. They seem to have a natural awareness of what's around them, not only in their home but everywhere else as well. I'm inclined to think it's because we didn't pad down the house like a Little Gym, and they had no choice but to figure it out.And we also don't use plastic for their eating and drinking needs. Glasses and metal utensils and real plates.  Girlfriend broke one plate, once. While unloading the dishwasher when she tried to pick up too many at a time. Lazy. And winning.

Food. Ah food. The bane of most parents' existence. Look it up and you'll find 24 million blog posts and articles about just how sucky it is to feed little people, and their tyrannical demands. And we don't want to go all medieval on them, so we feed them pre-cooked shit shaped like dinosaurs and sigh. Once again, laziness prevails, and it seems to be working for us. I didn't feed them solid food until they were a year old (little man I started a little earlier, but he didn't really do anything but taste a little until 11 months). I one time made a puree for girlfriend. It was stupid. She just wanted what was on my plate, and couldn't care less about the orange colored ridiculousness I was trying to give her. So. I stopped making separate food. Some of her first meals were pasta bolognese, moussaka, chicken mole fajitas, and spinach sauteed with garlic and olive oil. She loved it, she ate off of our plates most of the time, while sitting on our laps (cause who needs to always have a high chair with them? ain't no one got time for that). She ate everything we gave her, and she pretty much still does. She obviously has foods she doesn't prefer (she no longer likes the moussaka with the goat cheese bechamel topping, she just wants to eat the meat and eggplant mixture). But there's food that I don't like so I'm not gonna sweat it. Not only does she loooooove to eat, but she loves to cook too. She flips her own eggs and pancakes, she helps cut stuff up (with a special knife from pampered chef that doesn't cut skin but can cut through most veggies and fruits and sometimes even chicken). She knows how to properly salt and pepper food, and she is OBSESSED with dipping things in olive oil. Screw ketchup, she knows the good stuff. We've never ordered off of a kids menu for her, and don't ever plan to. In California, we tried to give her chicken fingers once, in Disneyland. She took one bite, spit them out, and hasn't tried them since. I find that hilarious. And little man the other night chowed down on Serbian meatballs, a yogurt cucumber dill salad, and roasted potatoes. Start em early. And they both are really really neat eaters. I don't know if it's because I waited to feed them, but I'm always kind of shocked by the lack of mess I have to deal with. And I firmly believe this was because I was too damned lazy to cook them separate food. Seriously. Who has time for that? That's nonsense. If children in other countries can eat food with flavors and spices, why can't ours? Do we have different stomachs that I don't know about? It's like some doctor somewhere said American children are only capable of eating bland food (enter Gerbers and the jars of nasty) and suddenly everyone panics and only feeds kids things that no one else would ever eat because it's disgusting. Either way, it's working for us. And for some reason, they don't really snack, either. Unless I am. And sometimes I share.

So, the daily grind. Little miss can entertain herself for HOURS. Coloring, drawing, somehow figuring out by the time she was 2 1/2 how to write all of her letters, and then writing her name without either of us having taught it to her....I still don't know how that happened. She builds lego towers and train tracks, and takes care of her babies, and races cars. All without mommy's assistance. Granted, the first year plus of her life was spent being carried around by me. She had a rough start and she loved to be carried and I loved having her on me. No swings, no seats, no play mats unless she was really showing interest in being put down, and then the playmat lasted about 5 minutes. And there was no dropping her off in the nursery at church. And she only had a babysitter a total of 5 times in her life so far (my mom, and some really close trusted friends). Yes, that means we didn't do date nights. Out. We would put her to bed and have date nights in. (but we also waited for 5 years of marriage before having kiddos so we kind of expected that there'd be a period of time where going out wouldn't happen so much). She was mommy's girl for sure, and not surprising, considering again traumatic first 2 months of life. But she's quite the independent little thing now. And little man is shaping up to be the same, but he WILL go to the church nursery, and he's happy letting anyone hold him. He's also pretty chill about just hanging out playing in the play kitchen, or playing Godzilla to all big sister's train tracks and towers. They give me time to get stuff done while exploring their surroundings. No crafts provided by me. No setting up games. No whining. No boredom. And somehow, learning has happened. Again, if I figure it out, I'm gonna find a way to sell the method because seriously!! I had zero to do with the learning of all the letters. Maybe it was from watching SuperWhy??  Lazy and loving it.

Yes, my kids sometimes watch TV. not all that much (unless we're sick, in which case, bring. on. the. disney. movies.) We cancelled cable, and I LOATHE all things Disney channel, Disney junior, Nick junior. The shows don't have much to offer learning wise, and I hate commercials, and I'm still trying to figure out why Caillou is even a thing. We watch Superwhy, I tried Sesame Street but she never took to it, and unfortunately she did take to Thomas the Train. I have a really hard time not rolling my eyes while this nonsense is on (Gordon is a real asshole), but it's only the Christmas episode that's on Netflix so I suppose I'll suck it up. Anything else they watch are Disney movies....because mamma likes to sing along. And here's the great catch- if your kid doesn't ever watch commercials, your kid will NEVER ASK YOU FOR SPECIFIC TOYS EVER. This has been the greatest discovery in the history of my household. Her favorite thing to do is grab a gift bag, throw a bunch of crap she finds around the house in it, and excitedly proclaim "Happy Birthday! I made you a present!". This makes my mommy heart happy. And also not hearing about how badly she wants a certain toy is glorious. Lazy, non cable having, not having to watch nonsense I don't like, goodness.

Napping. She stopped at 2. And before that she only napped on me until she was about 18 months old. This is not as awful as you think. She napped, I took walks. She napped, I went to the mall. She napped, I went to "play dates" where I'd sit and chat with friends and drink coffee. We weren't chained to the house. Same boat with little man, naps on me. But then girlfriend and I can go to the park. Or the children's museum. Or hang out outside and paint. Lazy.

Speaking of parks....she climbs all the things. all the time. No fear. And I've never once told her "oh honey you can't do that". I'm always a little shocked at the number of parents who do. If your kid wants to give it a try, why would you say no?? Maybe stand there and make sure they don't fall off of it, but why discourage their bravery? If they think they can, they probably can. The few times she didn't want to try something, she was the one who approached it, looked at it, then said "nope" hopped down and found something else. Trust their instincts. We're all wired to survive. Let em do their thing. Just like I've heard kids ask to try their parent's food, and they say "you probably won't like it." Self fulfilling prophesy, people.

Cleanliness. My kids seems to really enjoy being clean. I find this amusing and awesome. Since day 1, I've given the kiddos showers with me instead of baths. I have no time or patience for filling up a tiny tub that a mini, wet, squiggly thing is going to work their hardest to get out of, just to get me and the entire bathroom wet in the process of cleaning my child. Then, I have to scrub out said tub? No. Thank. You. While they were itty bitty, they would lay on a blanket outside of the shower door while I showered, then I'd bring them in to wash them. As they got a bit older, they moved into just hanging out in the shower with me, then me washing them. Girlfriend started washing herself when she turned 3 (don't worry, I still check to make sure all the bits are clean). We can get up and out within 45 minutes, including showering all 3 of us and doing my hair and make up.  Lazy.

Along with the attachment parenting, I started reading up on a more gentle discipline than any I had heard of or thought to use. Mainly, it's just an understanding that your child is a person with feelings just like any person, and respecting those feelings, and working with a toddler's natural curiosity and abilities instead of fighting against them.  Part of it is always comforting them when they ask for it, even when you don't necessarily think they need it. I find a well-timed hug, kiss, and snuggle will tame the tantrum that's brewing. I give her choices a lot- should we brush our teeth or brush our hair first. As long as she gets to choose, she does what needs to get done with no yelling from me. And she started dressing herself around 2 years old. Buttons still trip her up a bit, but girlfriend can pick out an outfit, put it on, including shoes, brush her hair and brush her teeth. And loves doing it.

We have time-ins, instead of time outs. I never liked the idea of sending them away if they've done something wrong. So, we go together to a spot to sit and calm down. We take some deep breaths, and she tells me why she's mad/ sad/ happy and screamy, etc. These work so well for her. Usually, she just wanted a bit of my attention all to herself, and that gives her the opportunity. Do we have those days where everyone is yelling at everyone? Of course, I have children. Does she have days of some defiance which makes me want to put my head through a wall? Yup. She's 3 1/2. But I feel like those "terrible 2's and 3's" weren't ever really a problem.

Alright, so the truth is, the lazy parenting is our pay off now for the work we put in early on. It's true, I missed out on some nights out because I had a nursling  that I wasn't willing to leave at home. We didn't, and still don't, have that many date nights....maybe 2 a year. But it's just a season and we actually both really enjoy taking the kiddos with us out to dinner or just out and about. It's considered extreme by many, but setting up that foundation for what we have now? Lazy priceless.

Our Valentine's Date

Date night watching a movie. We wouldn't want it any other way.


Loves!

If you love breakfast, make this pasta NOW (in 20 minutes total!) Spaghetti Carbonara

I love bacon and eggs. Always and forever. We eat eggs every. single. day. There's nothing better for breakfast. Nothing. The kiddos agree. And bacon? Duh. (whole foods dry rubbed black forest bacon. get it).

So when I'm feeling lazy/ want to eat breakfast for dinner, I whip out a pasta carbonara. Bacon and the eggs are the sauce. However, I haven't been super successful in making this dish in the past. Don't get me wrong, it's still been delicious, but it hasn't been that creamy goodness that I dream of. Until yesterday.

I've tried Mario Batali''s recipe, and you had to separate the eggs, and it was work, and I screwed it up and made slightly scrambled egg pasta. So last night, I used Clinton Kelly's recipe as my base. Ummmm....AMAZEBALLS. So easy, and the best carbonara I've ever had hands down. Because I was feeling like a lot of veggies but didn't feel like making a salad, I took a few liberties with what I added in there. I'm sure it would have been just as amazing if I had followed his recipe exactly, but I think my stuff put it over the top!

So. You make some bacon. Obvs. And buy good bacon. The one I referenced above will change your life. No exaggeration. Then drain some of the bacon grease (but you save that shit in a mason jar because cooking in it is heaven and you don't have to go try to find a good lard which is exactly nowhere most of the time). At the same time, put on a pot of boiling, salty as the sea water for the pasta.

I cut up cherry tomatoes, scallions, some frozen peas, and some frozen corn. They work really well together and then you don't need side dishes. It's all about the lazy, people.

Whisk the eggs into a bowl with a good dose of that starchy pasta water (obviously, let the spaghetti cook for a few minutes to get starchy enough. And add it slowly to the eggs, because you don't want to cook them. He has all this in his directions, but I figured I'd be thorough. Add salt and a lot of pepper and grated parmesan to the egg mix.

Throw the veggies and the bacon into your skillet that you cooked the bacon in, with the bacon grease and a little olive oil. Once the pasta is almost done, add it to the skillet, along with a ladleful of pasta water (or more as needed). The pasta will finish cooking in the skillet and soak up all the goodness and be nicely prepared to accept the egg mix.

REMOVE THE PASTA FROM THE SKILLET. So important, otherwise, you'll have an egg scramble. Put it in a bowl. Then slowly add in the egg mix. Stir. Grate some more parm over it because cheese. Eat immediately.

Holy. Freaking. Crap. I could seriously eat this every day of the week. Clinton Kelly is a genius with adding the pasta water to the mixed eggs. And it's SO EASY. It took about 20 minutes to throw this together, start to finish.

This will not disappoint.

Cuban Sandwiches- An Immediate Do!

So I have never attempted to make Cuban food. Not sure why. It wasn't super popular where I grew up so I guess I never really thought about it before. We rock Mexican food all the time, but not many other Latin cuisines.

Then, we watched the movie "Chef". And it totally changed our lives. For starters, once the kids are old enough, we're buying a food truck and just traveling across the country cooking.

Also, it inspired us to try to make some Cuban food. And since the hubbs is all about a sandwich (and I'm all about making bread), we started with the Cuban sandwich. And I had a little help from Three guys from Miami. There is a shortage of blogs out there dedicated to Cuban food. But these guys seem to know what they're talking about. I used their recipes for the Cuban bread, the lechon asado, and the Cuban sandwich. I highly recommend all 3.

So here's what I did a bit differently.

The bread.  OH MY GOSH THE BREAD. Hands down, the best sandwich bread (especially for a toasted sandwich) that I've ever eaten. And they are right. ALWAYS USE LARD. Always. It's hard to find a good lard- Whole Foods doesn't sell it for some reason. And our trusted butcher (now BB Ranch because Bill the Butcher closed) only sells it sometimes. This time they only had duck fat. It worked beautifully. Just bring on the fat.

There are not enough words in the english language to describe this bread. But here's what I would do differently. I would not make one ginormous loaf. It was massive. I would break it into at least 3 loaves.

The lechon asado (roasted pork) was also phenomenal. I used all the ingredients they said to (although I did use fresh oranges, limes and lemons instead of sour orange juice. I enjoy fresh squeezed). I did however cook it totally different. I of course did not read the recipe instructions before making it, so I missed the whole poke holes throughout the pork and let it sit in the marinade overnight piece of it. Oopsie. So I improvised. And let me tell you. Deliciousness happened. For starters, I stabbed the pork shoulder all over with a small knife like they say to. Then I hacked up the pork shoulder into 5 big chunks. There is flavor in the brown (thank you Carla Hall!), and as many sides as can be browned, should be. So I threw some lard in a dutch oven, then browned on all sides each chunk of salted and peppered pork. Once it was all browned, I removed the pork, then started cooking all of the other ingredients. I softened the onions, I threw in the garlic, then added the juice and the oregano. I let that come to a boil and get all the bits of pork off the bottom of the pan, then I threw the pork chunks back in. I put that into a 225 degree oven and cooked that for about an hour and a half. Then I put it back on the stovetop and cooked a bit more. Once it was done, I took out all the pork, and I reduced the sauce that was left so it was nice and thick (warning, it gets saltier this way so don't go salt crazy in the beginning). This was a nice dipping sauce for the sandwich. Which is not in the recipe but I super heart a good dip.

We bought some smoked ham from our butcher. And let me just say. I've always hated ham. So has the hubbs. It just is not a flavor I enjoy....although I love EVERY OTHER PART OF A PIG. But this ham? This ham was stupid good. We bought a crap ton of it because it was just. so. good. I've put it in my eggs basically every single morning since we purchased it. SO. GOOD.

And we bought jarlsberg cheese. It's considered a baby swiss...a slightly milder flavor. I love a good, kick you in the teeth swiss, but the hubbs? Not so much. So we tasted a bunch at whole foods and that is the one we agreed upon. It still had some bite to it, but not so much that people in my house wouldn't eat it. And I will say that the pre-sliced swiss cheese? Just. Don't. It doesn't have nearly the same oomph. We bought a good ole hunk of cheese from the fancy pants cheese section and sliced it ourselves. You get more for your money, and you get WAY more flavor. You're welcome.

We also did the yellow mustard and the dill pickles. Organic of course. We were a bit skeptical of the yellow mustard, which neither of us has eaten since we were approximately 8. But it totally works with this sandwich.

And no, we don't have the special, Cuban sandwich maker but we do have a flat cast iron griddle and a bacon press, so we just used that. And the best sandwich in the history of ever was eaten that night.

 And the salad on the side you ask? It's orange slices, avocado, and bacon. With a little salt and pepper. It's amazing. I could eat this every single day of every single month of every single year. And I just might. I believe the idea came from a restaurant, then I saw a pic of it on a friend's Instagram. And I jumped on that band wagon real quick.


And of course, as we made 2 1/2 pounds of pork, we had some leftovers. And since I'm not big on eating the exact same meal 2 nights in a row, I made a sorta dip out of them. And I'll be honest. I think I like the left over meal better than the original!

I just cut up some peppers and onions, and threw them in a cast iron skillet with the pork that I cubed up, and some of that marinade, and added some gruyere. I got a little crisp on everything. Then I threw it in a bowl and topped it with some blood orange slices and avocado slices. (I left out the bacon because the pork acted as that salty, fatty goodness the salad screams for). Then I ate this with tortilla chips.

Brilliance!!!!!!

Seriously. This might be one of my favorite meals ever. And it's funny. What makes me SUPER HEART LOVE LOVE LOVE Cuban food is all the citrus they use. I'm a sucker for lemon, orange, and lime on any and everything. The hubbs? Not so much. He always calls me out on using too much. He obviously is wrong, of course. But I try to make food he'll like.

Anway, you should make this immediately. So good. So worth it. And so trendy right now!

Loves!

Snooty Brownies: aka brownies with goat cheese, fruit and lemon

There are not enough words. This dessert is PERFECT for people who don't love overly sweet desserts. I am that person. I like a little tart. And I love fruit and chocolate together. Or chocolate with anything really, let's be honest. So I found a desert on The Kitchn blog. I loved the ingredients, but wasn't a huge fan of how it was made. So I tweeked. And I love it!

I saw the ingredients and knew I needed to make this, but I have never liked brownies that had a cream cheesy filling that was baked in it. I love cheesecake, so I don't know why it bothers me when it's baked into brownies, but it just does. Perhaps it's because you need a cakier brownie to hold up that cheese and I do not enjoy a cakey brownie.

So I decided to stick to my tried and true Carla Hall brownie recipe (minus the nuts and marshmallows). I will say that I've always needed to cook them longer than the 20 minutes she suggests, but I'm also pretty sure that I've never used the correct pan to cook them in. And also, grease the crap out of the pan. These bad boys are STICKY. And wonderful just by themselves.

But then, while they're baking, go ahead and make essentially what is the icing for these brownies. I take out the goat cheese at least an hour before to soften it. And I used mascarpone, both because the flavor is better than cream cheese and also because the texture is creamier. I used about equal parts of each and I just eyeballed it to see how much I think I needed to cover the brownies. I added a little sugar too. That is all to your taste. Like I said, I don't love overly sweet desserts, so I only added a little pinch.

I also made a fruit compote to add. I just took a bunch of frozen berries, stuck them in a pot, put it on low heat, and let them break down (with some help from my potato masher). I added lemon zest and lemon juice and some sugar and about 1/2 tbsp of corn starch to thicken it a tiny bit. Again, this is all to your specific tastes. I like mine tart, so I add a little and taste until I get it how I like it. It's all very scientific.

I didn't just throw the berries into the goat cheese mixture because I didn't want it to be pink icing, I wanted to see a swirl. But you totally could and it would be delicious. I just wanted a good picture.

Once the brownies cooled a little bit, a started to ice it. It was not easy. The icing was thick, and it was a bit challenging to spread. I would have added more mascarpone if I had any left. So I resorted to using my finger to spread it. Then I spooned some fruit compote on and swirled it in.

The rest? Is magical dessert-y history.

Loves and dessert always!

Measles vs Ebola- An Airplane Dialogue

I was talking this over with some friends recently. And I was suuuuuuuuper pissed about it before, and then forgot to blog/ rant about it. And then I brought it up and got all pissy all over again. So here goes.

I got a warning that on certain dates in December, someone had measles on an airplane that landed in Seatac (which is where we fly in and out of, and where we happened to be the day or 2 after this "epidemic" hit).

Apparently, the CDC spouted a whole bunch of nonsense, Disneyland was involved, all the sheeple lost their damned minds because OH MY GOD A RASH IS ON THE LOOSE! WARN EVERYONE! TOUCH NOTHING EVER! If you were anywhere near anything the infected may have breathed on, you're doomed. DOOMED.

Ummmmm. Take a breath, America.

For starters. It's the effing measles. It's a rash. Does it suck? Yup. Do you want it? Probably not. Are you vaccinated against it? Most likely yes. Because if you or your children aren't vaccinated you are death waiting to happen and clearly have no problems killing small babies. Or so I've been told.

And also? It's rarely deadly. Rarely. And here's the thing. If your immune system is SO compromised that the measles would kill you, you most likely are not in Disneyland, or on an airplane. I would think. Because there's A LOT of shit flying around on an airplane. And in Disney. Not that you don't deserve to fly or go to there, but that most people would simply decide not to.

Please don't send me hate mail about how sick people deserve to do all those things too. Because I agree, they do. But they do face a certain amount of risk, and you can't request that everyone on an airplane be sprayed down with antibacterial foam because there's a risk of you catching something.

I digress. Kind of.

Because here's the thing.

NO ONE STOPPED EBOLA FROM FLYING.

It barely made a blip in the news. I sure as hell didn't get a disclaimer about EBOLA flying through my airport, that I had just happened to visit (I apparently like to fly during disease season.).  The CDC was a big fat pile of worthless and "well probably you'll be fine unless you get a fever, and then probably you don't need to quarantine yourself (I'm looking at you, you numb nuts nurse out on your effing bike around the town because you were offended after HANDLING ALL THE  EBOLA)." I mean.

Can we just be rational here? For like, a minute? EBOLA HAS A 50% DEATH RATE WITH NO CURE. NO VACCINE. NADDA. ZIP. ZERO. As in, hello, you're effed. Measles? Like, 1% die. For that 1%, that's a huge bummer. But you know what we have for measles?

A CURE.

And therein lies the rub. There's no money in Ebola. They don't have a vaccine for it. There's nothing that they can force the population to get injected with so that they DON'T get ebola. (I will not even start a convo about the not quite accurate info being spouted that is vaccinated herd immunity. because hate mail.). But there's nothing to sell. So the CDC kept their mouth shut. They DID NOT STOP PEOPLE FLYING WHO HAD A LIKELIHOOD OF HAVING A DISEASE THAT 50% OF PEOPLE DIE FROM. They didn't stop it. They didn't even really talk about it. They didn't apologize. The media outlets almost let it become a frenzy of panic stricken what the hell is the government doing to protect us. And then. Funny enough. It dropped off everyone's radar.

But the measles? HOLY SHIT THE MEASLES ARE BACK WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AND IF YOU DON'T GET A VACCINE RIGHT NOW WE WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH OUR TORCHES AND YELLING. The CDC made sure that they stated unequivocally that without the vaccine, you are a walking death threat. Stay in your homes. Be afraid.

Why, exactly? Ohhhhh.......because guess who's getting paid? Big pharma. Which donates quite generously to the government. Everytime a story like this pops up, there's a huge pay out. Doesn't matter that it's not life threatening. Doesn't matter that it's easily treatable. And also doesn't seem to matter that if you've been vaccinated for it then SHOULDN'T IT PROTECT YOU AGAINST NOT GETTING IT SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FREAKING OUT???

I feel like this should have been a catalyst for the crumbling facade of a CDC/ government entity that simply does NOT have our backs. At any turn. A government that is in the pockets of greedy business men/ corporations who are destroying our nation's food, medicine, and health.

Imagine my surprise when I heard crickets. Complete radio silence.

What is happening??

I know this all seems very conspiracy theory, and I swear I don't line my walls with aluminum foil so "they" can't hear my thoughts. But this one just seems SOOOO obvious. And no one says or does anything. I, for one, would like to believe that the leaders of this country have my best interests at heart. But time and time again, both financially, and health wise, they prove me wrong.

This one just hit so hard. And so close to home. As both measles and ebola and I apparently got close. Ships passing in the night and all.

So that's my angry Jersey rant for the night.

The Holding- A Toddler Poop Story

Oh the control. The crazy crazy sphincter control of a toddler. This is a story working towards a happy, or workable, ending. I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, but haven't gotten around to it, due in part to all the mid-wifing I've been forced into.

New job, you ask? Not quite. It's just that my SAHM position has required a new activity- cheering on, and coaxing out, the poop from my toddler.

Yup.

I sing songs about it. We have a poop party every time it happens. We never EVER say anything bad about poop (if you tell my child her poop stinks and is gross I SWEAR TO ALL THE THINGS I WILL CUT YOU).

Because the holding. DEAR LORD THE HOLDING.

It started over a year ago. I was about 18 weeks pregnant with little man, when the hubbs was sent to California for a work trip. For 3 weeks. Since there was just no way in hell he was going without us, we drove from Seattle to San Diego and stayed for 3 weeks. We learned stuff. We laughed. We cried. We screamed. And. We didn't eat nearly as well as we usually do.

Of course, there was no kitchen in our hotel room. And we tried to stick with as much organic food as possible. But let's face it. When you're eating out for every meal, that's not always feasible. And so, babygirl got a bit backed up.

And I know I can't be the only parent out there who has suffered through this. I know my mom had this problem with me when I was little. Once it hurts a toddler to poop, getting them to poop again is challenging, to say the least.

It took 2 weeks after returning home to get ALL of our bodies up and running in a fairly regular fashion again. And she had a few issues where it built up a bit, and we had to talk her into pooping, but it wasn't life altering.

Until the end of my pregnancy.

And then, the shit simply didn't hit the fan.

She knew things were changing. And at 2 1/2, didn't have all the words to tell us about it. And so she held it.

My mom flew out the week before I was scheduled for my c-section. Babygirl didn't poop for almost that whole week. I scoured the interwebs for natural ways to help it along. Of course, miralax was the go to. And thanks but no thanks. I'd rather not drug her up, and have her muscles not be able to do what they need to do. But Dr. Sears had some really great suggestions. Turns out that one of his children had this issue for about 2 years. His wife, also a doctor, said she felt like a mid wife for those 2 years. That's when I started crying because YES! THAT'S EXACTLY IT!

So, the night before I had little man, we filled her up with prune juice, a little apple juice (because for some reason apples weren't doing the trick but organic apple juice shot it out of her), and flaxseed oil. We mixed it with the prune juice because that oil is hard to smell, much less get down. Then, we put her in a hot, soapy bath and let her play. (we used castille soap- nice and oily. lubing up the works).

God bless Nana. She had her feet in there with her, playing, trying to get her to hang out in a squat like position. And suddenly. Babygirl screamed a bit. And out came 2 of the world's largest, hardest turds. Her tiny little belly shrunk down noticeably. Nana scooped those turds out with her hand, amazed at the size, and how she was able to get them out cause they were like rocks. We praised her up and down, we laughed, we sang, we eventually flushed the poop down.....and we all slept better knowing she was healthy and not in pain for her first ever sleep time without mommy and daddy for the next day or two.

 From then on, we would make sure that babygirl had a shot of prune juice every day. Literally. We give her prune juice in a shot glass (easier to measure, and she gets so excited to use real glasses her size). It keeps her poop on the soft side so if there is a build up, it's not ripping her apart. And the hot soapy baths are like magic. It opens and relaxes everything. Sometimes she poops in the bath tub, and sometimes, right afterwards, in her diaper.  And of course for the day or two after, her poop is really really soft. And usually she poops a lot, clearing out the rest of her intestines.

One memorable time, at nana's house in jersey, she got all stopped up after the plane ride. We stuck her in the bath after a few days, and nana was so relieved that she finally pooped, that she scooped the poop out of the tub with her hands, held it there and sang to it. SANG TO IT. People, this holding stuff is no freakin joke.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Out of all of the experiences I've had in parenting. The placental abruption. The NICU stay. The burn unit with little man. The toddler tantrums. The no sleep. Far and away, the holding and ensuing constipation in babygirl has been the most draining. The most taxing. The most nerve wracking. We still struggle with this. It's been over a year. And there's no physical reason this is happening. She simply likes to hold it. She flat out refuses to go on the potty. She panic screams if I suggest it most of the time. She used to like to go in the bathtub, but recently when she's in the tub and feels she has to go, she asks to get out and put a diaper in. And girlfriend does NOT like to get out of the tub ever. I'm not sure if that's progress or not....is a tub closer to potty than a diaper? Is there a way to measure that? Is that the oddest question ever asked?

So here's what I've learned, and what I'm still learning. Almost all of my friends have never had this issue. I love/ hate them.

I'm super thankful that it never lasted for so long that we had to get the poop physically removed from her body. I know people who have. And I am so so sorry they had to go through that. That's hellish.

What we're currently doing right now seems to be working fairly well. So I'm gonna share. Because honestly? There's just not that much info out there on how to manage this without lasting side effects, emotional scarring, and medication. So here goes.

At least a shot glass full of organic prune juice every day. Even if you're not doing an organic food lifestyle now, please just get the organic prune juice. The other crap they put in juices will only help to stop up the works if it's conventional. and a bottle of it goes a long way if you're giving it in shot glass doses.

As much as possible, try to get organic, virgin coconut oil into their diet. We like to drink smoothies. We add organic yogurt, spinach, coconut oil, chia seeds, berries and usually some peanut or almond butter. Obvs, the spinach helps a ton too.

Food. I try and make sure she eats enough ruffage. Greens are colon's little broom (thanks Mario Batali!) and definitely help to push it through.

To get the ruffage down, we let her dip it in extra virgin olive oil. This kid is OBSESSED with dipping her food. OBSESSED. And she loves loves loves olive oil. This helps with a) getting her to eat stuff she may have been opposed to and b) all the oil. lubing up the works from the inside.

We don't typically resort to the flaxseed oil until there's a real big issue with getting the poop out.

We sing poopy songs. She loves them. I shall share them with you because that's how much I love you.

to the tune of "the little white duck"
I'm a little brown poop, swimming in the water
A little brown poop. Just doing what I oughta
I flew right out of Ava's tooshey
It didn't hurt at all, cause I'm nice and squishy
Cause I'm a little brown poop, swimming in the water
Plop! Plop! Plop!  (her most favorite part)

Yes tooshey (touchey??) and squishy rhyme. And if you figure out how to spell tooshey, lemme know.

The other one, sung to "Camptown races"
Every one poops every day
Do da. Do da.
Every one poops every day
Oh doo doo day.

Did you see what I did there at the end? With the doo doo? I know. Hilarious.

People. I'm pretty sure this is why I got my degree in music education.

It's a fun way to remind her that everyone has to poop daily, without nagging her about it. Because the nagging? That results in a lot more holding.

She goes to the bathroom with me all the time. And we're constantly talking about how to poop. How much mommy poops, which she thinks is hilarious cause it's pretty much always. How we squat down (or at least bend our knees) so the poop comes out easier. And she gets pretty excited sometimes to show us "look I stand like THIS to poop!" This is usually done in front of people we're not close with.  Because of course it is.

If it's been 2 days and we've only had little teeny turds, or none at all (except the tell tale "shmear" meaning she held it with all her might and it tried to beat her), then it's time for the big guns. She gets no more dairy. And, we start to promise a reward. If you poop, you can have a cookie/ some ice cream/ etc. She knows we take that stuff away because it blocks up her poop, so she can have it again if she just let's it go. Oooh, that's another one we sing. Let it go. Thank you disney.

Day 3. If I watch her holding it in several times in a short span of time, the next time she tries to hold it, I'll go and hold her in a squat position. She faces me, her feet are planted on my thighs, and I hold her calves and make sure her knees are bent. She does not like this. I'm not a huge fan either. But we remind her that she doesn't want to have to go somewhere so they can take the poop out. Then she usually says "I do all mine byself" goes to a corner and finishes up.  And if not?

BATH TIME!!

Let's just not talk about how many times I've had to scrub out my tub. It's traumatic and I'm trying to block it out.

I can only pray that little man won't have this issue, and that one day soon, she will simply just want to go. Right now, she sleeps through the night without peeing, and she loves to pee on the potty, but potty training is just not happening because I just want her to shit regularly. And if I try and take away the diaper for that I usually get rewarded with lots more holding. Awesome. I'll let you know if I have a break through in that department.

So that's where we stand. I'm a mid wife for poo. It's not a great title to hold. It's exhausting. And when daddy gives a glass of milk after day 2 of not going saying "it doesn't matter now anyway, she's had all the prune juice" I try my hardest not to bitch slap him. (Sometimes daddy doesn't quite get it. Daddy has yet to shovel shit out of a tub. I shall change this very soon.)

I hope this was semi helpful for you. I know I would have appreciated it when this whole shit show started.

 I'm on FIRE with the puns today.

Loves and poop!

UPDATE!!
I super super don't want to jinx us, but we've gone for almost 2 months with only an incident or two of holding (neither of which lasted past the 3rd day, and both times, as soon as we got in the bathtub she said "mommy look I did BIIIIIIIG poopy!"

What finally seemed to work was making the most ridiculous analogy of all time.

I compared poop to a fish. I straight up did.

Her fave movie for a while was Finding Nemo. She gets very sad when Nemo can't find his daddy and daddy is looking for Nemo. So I told her that, just like Nemo wants to get back to the ocean to be with his family, her poops desperately want to fly out of her tushie into the toilet to be with their family. So far, she's totally buying it. She still goes in the diaper (whatevs, she's GOING!), but then we flush it down the toilet so they can all be together as one big happy family. I was just so ready to try ANYTHING AND ALL THE THINGS! And this seems to be working!!!! She empathizes with movies a lot (typically substituting her name and our names for the characters and telling me stories that way), so this hit home.

Here's to staying on this every day poopy train and hoping it works for you too!!

SO. MUCH. MOM. GUILT.

So. In all my baby-wearing, love to cook glory; we had a huge mishap the other night. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

I've listened as people told me to be careful, I shouldn't cook while wearing my kiddos. And I've kinda laughed it off. I had 3 years under my belt without so much as a burnt fingertip on a child, so OBVIOUSLY I knew what I was doing. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll do as I please. Until December 11th.

That is the day that my 8 month old baby boy ended up at the Harborview Burn Unit.

Maybe it's because I was dead tired. Maybe it's cause I had a pretty bad cold and my common sense was numbed a bit. Any way you look at it, I was a GIANT idiot and my son paid the price.

I decided to make some fresh pea and sunchoke soup for dinner. I added stock and peas and roasted sunchokes and brought it all to a boil. Then I carefully ladled it into the blendtec. I was wearing little man at the time. Girlfriend was standing on a stool at the stove helping me cook. Hubbs was making sure girlfriend was not getting into trouble while doing that. I suggested he take the baby, but saw that he was with her, and decided I would just keep him on me.

I will tell you that I obviously filled the blender too much. And perhaps I should have instinctively known that. But I will also tell you that I read the blendtec manual when we bought it, and there's not a warning on there to not fill it after a certain point because it will blow the lid off. That motor is powerful. I had my hand on the lid. Little man was facing against my chest. It started to blend, and the soup started to erupt through the lid, burning my hand. I turned away from the blender, thinking I'd be protecting him. Instead of just hitting a button to stop the stupid machine from blending. Worst decision ever. The lid blew off entirely and rained down hot chunks of soup. I yanked him out of the ergo and literally threw him in the sink, washing it off. It took a minute to get his onesie off because he was struggling. Then I ran upstairs and put the both of us right in the bathtub to keep his skin cool and wet. I was fully clothed still. That's when I noticed that the skin on his arm started peeling.

We decided to take him to the ER. Why we thought it would be faster than calling an ambulance, I'll never really know. So many bad decisions that night. While hubbs drove, I was spraying a naked little man down with breast milk. I knew it healed sunburns, and I hoped it would help. But it didn't stop the skin from bubbling and blistering up. It might be one of the most horrific things I've ever seen. We got to the hospital, and couldn't find the ER, so we just went to the NICU, where girlfriend spent her first 2 months. The security guard there called an ambulance (the ER moved to a different campus), but the ambulance decided to take us straight to Harborview Burn Unit in Seattle. I think that's when it sank in that we did some serious damage to this poor baby's skin. And I would have a real hard time forgiving myself for this one. Luckily (???) for me, I had a lot of experience with babies and trauma, so I put on my game face and did what I needed to do. There's no crying in baseball and burn units, right?

We sat in the ER (not pleasant, especially for a 3 year old) for about 3 hours before being moved to a room in the burn unit. Everyone- ambulance EMTs, docs, nurses- all amazing. All reassuring me that this kind of thing happened all the time. That his burns were 2nd degree, but looked pretty superficial, so there shouldn't be any scarring. That there were only a few spots where the burns were white (apparently the white ones are deep). That the blisters that continued to bubble up and then burst all over little man and I were normal and supposed to happen. That he won't remember any of this. That yes the sheriff had to file a report on the incident, but it seemed pretty straight forward so we probably wouldn't be interviewed by CPS.

But mom guilt.

We finally went to the burn unit around 11 pm. Hubbs had taken girlfriend to the cafeteria to get some dinner, since ours currently resided all over the kitchen counters, cabinets, and floors. They stayed long enough to find out what room we would be admitted into. Little man and I hung out in a wound care room. I never ever ever want to be in a wound care room again. Everything is metal covered in plastic bags. Super sterile. And they told me they'd give him more oxycodone and a sedative, so that he wouldn't remember what they were about to do. I say they. Turned out it was the nurse and I. I did a lot of things in the NICU I never thought I'd have to do to my baby. But this?? This was the worst. I had to hold him down while they took tweezers to the blisters and dead skin to clean the wounds. Next to him, on my hands and knees, trying to hold him still and nurse him to calm him, while he screamed bloody murder. That's a forever image. Along with burning him in the first place. December 11th can suck it.

Thankfully, she was super efficient and got it done in about 6 minutes. She bandaged him all up and he immediately fell asleep on me. And I finally let it all go. I'm pretty sure I cried all night. I "slept" in 15 minute increments. Thank God, he slept next to me and was out until they had to wake him at 9:30 the next morning for his next round of wound care. This one not nearly as bad. I once again got my shit together to help torture/ bathe my son.

He slept through the rest of that day for the most part. He managed to sleep through his physical therapy, where I learned how to do stretches with him so the skin stretches naturally and doesn't pucker or stiffen. More and more realizing how bad this burn actually is. And the kicker? The soup got all over my hand, arm and chest. I didn't ever really wash it off, it kind of wiped off a bit when I took off my soupy clothes to go to the hospital. And everything was bright  bright red. But by the time we got to the ER? I had ZERO MARKS ANYWHERE. None. Not a bubble. Not even patchy red skin. I've never bruised easily, I've never broken a bone, and I heal really quickly. But this was just effing ridiculous. Am I made of leather? How the hell did my son get burned SO BADLY and I walked away without a mark? Not helping the mom guilt. And I feel like the cops were probably not believing my story since I was unscathed. I knew they wouldn't....but I had this fear in the back of my head that they might take my baby from me. All not helpful.

We were discharged from the hospital late afternoon the next day. With bandages, lotions, tylenol, oxy, and a little man bundled up in what looks like mouse pads (they release silver into the wounds which is anti-microbial and help heal and seal off the burns from air). All except for the chin, which we have to clean and bandage up twice a day. Not fun, painful for him, but at least it's healing.

And here's where I really struggle. I know a lot about what garbage they put in meds, in lotions, in vaccines. It was strongly recommended that he get the tetanus immunoglobulin and the tetanus vaccine (DTAP). I obviously saw the wounds, and knew him getting tetanus would be disastrous. So I said yes (although we gave him the immunoglobulin that night, and waited until the next day to do the vaccine). We had said we weren't gonna vaccinate him at all until he was at least 2...but sometimes you just gotta roll with it.

And I'm not a monster, so I obviously was not gonna say no to pain meds for him. To be honest, I was just SUPER thankful that they didn't pump him full of anti-biotics. I thought that would have been the very first thing they did, but they didn't at all and I'm forever grateful for that! But tylenol has some serious nasty crap in it. We're trying to see when we can wean him off of it without him suffering. And the lotion. It's in his open wounds, and it has ingredients that I'm just so not ok with. But we decided we'll stick with the lotion they gave us until Friday, when we have our followup, and then we'll switch to my lotion, and I'll add aloe to it. I did ask the doc, and he was delightfully surprised that I make my own lotion, and also said that it should be ok if the medicated lotion we are giving him started to give him a rash. But for now, he seems to be tolerating it, so I'm pretending not to know the chemicals in it and just sucking it up.

I was convinced that I would have one child who didn't have medicine as a part of their early life. I see some of the stomach issues girlfriend has, and I do think that some are linked to early meds (lifesaving meds, but meds all the same). And on top of me possibly scarring my son for life, I'm also really upset that he has to be on pain medication, and that we had to vaccinate him earlier than planned (and in all honesty, I most likely was NOT going to get him DTAP vaccinated). And I know, I KNOW, that advances in science and medicine are the reason why BOTH of my kiddos are alive right now. But out here in the crunchy northwest, I am also lucky enough to have doctors acknowledge the power of things like breastmilk, skin to skin contact between baby and mom, more natural options in medicine and healing. The nurse doing the wound care on little man was the one who suggested I nurse him during the procedure. I was afraid I would be in her way, but she understood how powerful and comforting that could be for him. And I'm forever grateful for that attitude both in the NICU and the burn unit.

All in all, I'm just having a huge bout of mom guilt. I still have some serious mom guilt for not being able to "incubate" girlfriend through the full 40 weeks. And once again, my body (and this time, my brain) failed my child. I know it'll soon subside, for the most part. But it sucks. December 11th sucks. My blendtec sucks. Not sure I'll ever make soup again. As it stands, I've only managed to make breakfast once since we've been home (today, since the hubbs went back to work and I have to feed my child). Tonight will be the first time I make dinner. And you can be damned sure that little man will be in daddy's arms while I'm doing it.

I am still a huge proponent of baby wearing, and I still know that if I didn't wear them while cooking, then cooking would not have been done. But I'll never use a blender or food processor again while wearing them. And I'll be a million time more thoughtful and careful about my actions in the kitchen, instead of just pushing to get it done.

And this kiddo? I'm sure he'll be fine. He shouldn't remember any of this. Hopefully there'll be little to no scarring. And this will be his war story. And he's just awfully cute.

Loves!

Sweet potato latkes topped with goodness

So, while searching for a yummy cranberry sauce recipe for Thanksgiving, I stumbled across Carla Hall's sweet potato latkes and cranberry chutney recipe. So I made the chutney and thought nothing of it.

Until the other night. When I had a ton of chutney, some sweet potatoes I didn't use for Thanksgiving, and some brie just laying around. And I was feeling particularly lazy, so didn't defrost any meat for dinner. And I was wondering how on earth I was going to somehow turn that into an entire meal. And then, brilliance struck.

I had eggplant. And brie. And pancetta. And so, I made some stackers.

I followed her directions for the latkes. Then I sauteed some eggplant in my trusty cast iron skillet in evoo, salt and pepper. Then I topped that with brie. I stuck that in the oven under broil until the cheese got all melty and bubbly. While it was broiling, I crisped some pancetta in the skillet. I topped the stack with that, and a nice big dollop of the chutney.

I honestly had no idea how this would turn out. But it was incredible. Shockingly amazing. All the salty, sweet, creamy, crispy deliciousness.

You should make this for sure!

Loves!

Amazeballs! BEST SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS EVER AND EVER THE END

I've probably made that claim before. But this time, I super serious mean it. Because this was the best meal ever. Not only was it the PERFECT way to end a week that wasn't so hot (so. much. house. to. fix.), but it also just matched the rainy cold mood outside. 

I mean.......

Come on now. That's perfection in a bowl right there. This is one of those meals that we wish we had people over for because everyone should know how freakin delish this is. But I'll share all my secrets. And of course, some of them are not mine. Because internet.

The meatball recipe is courtesy of Alex Guarnaschelli. You see her judge on "Chopped", and she just recently became an Iron Chef. And the woman can give perfect mom face. And apparently, she also has a mother that created the world's greatest meatballs. I was skeptical at first because really? Sour cream in meatballs with gravy? But I decided to give it a try. So here's what I did.

I used half pork, half beef. I actually used half breakfast sausage from whole foods, which is just ground pork with some sage in it. I didn't taste the sage at all, so you could go either way with that. I also NEVER have fennel fronds, but I happened to have them, so I used those instead of the fennel seed, because fresh herbs in meatballs make life sing. I followed everything else exactly as she said to. I thought it was CA-RAZY to not use garlic or onions in the meatballs, but she knows what she's doing. Oh yeah, and also I made my own breadcrumbs. I just used some baguette I made, ground it up, and toasted it in the cast iron skillet with some butter and olive oil. I recommend this. I hate store bought breadcrumbs.

So I cooked mine in a big ole dutch oven. The one I then made my gravy in.

I did just like she said, brown on all sides and leave the center rare. It took me 4 separate rounds to make all of them. Then I started on the gravy. I didn't use her gravy recipe, because I really like mine, and I super don't like sugar in mine. So here's what I did.

Remove the meatballs from the dutch oven and add a touch more evoo. I used shallots this time because I didn't have any onions. I ended up using 2 pretty large shallots, diced up. Then added some garlic (I use the lightly toasted garlic in evoo that I always have on hand). I threw in some tomato paste- I use the squeezy tubes of it and used about half a tube. Which probably equals 2 to 3 tablespoons. I let that all cook together until it gets a nice deep auburn color. Then add 2 jars of crushed tomatoes. Currently, we use the Jovial Organic brand that are plum tomatoes from Italy. I believe it's the only brand of jarred crushed tomatoes that they sell at the Whole Foods by me. And I love that they don't add basil or anything to it. Just do me a favor and NEVER EVER EVER buy cans of crushed tomatoes. SO. MUCH. BAD. Just say no. I digress.

Then, I fill the jars about half way with filtered water, shake it up to get all the tomato remnants out of the jars, and add that to the pot. Then throw your meatballs back in, let it get to a low boil, then simmer for however long you feel like, but make sure the meatballs are cooked through before you turn it off. You won't even need to add salt or pepper because the meatballs impart such an amazing flavor. Caution- if you add salt at the beginning, it will almost definitely be too salty by the time it's done cooking.

Your entire house will smell like Italy and you will love it. You also will not be able to stop eating by the spoonfuls, or dunking bread into it while awaiting your spouse's arrival.

And also, you may have some adorable helpers who want to help you eat it by the spoonfuls. And take pictures.

Grating all the cheese. Nice work kiddo!

So yeah. Anytime you want a cozy, comfort meal, make this. It really doesn't take long at all, and it's SO WORTH IT. I'll be eating it again at 10:30 tonight after my son sucks the life out of me, er, nurses to sleep. For hours.

Amore!

The tastiest pulled pork ever ever

I am not a fan of pulled pork. I've discovered I'm actually not much of a fan of what's considered "American food". For example, if given American cheese, I will rage to the food gods. Because it's simply not cheese. Your typical casseroles, meatloaf, pot roast, etc etc. Never been a fan. Some say I'm a food snob. They may be correct. But if you're not going to thoroughly enjoy your meal, what's the point of eating it?

What I'm also discovering, is that there are no bad recipes on www.thechew.com. Well, disclaimer. I haven't ever cooked any of the recipes that were put on there by the home chefs, or some of the guest chefs. I'm only talking the host recipes here- Mario, Michael, Clinton, Carla and Daphne.

And, since then, I've stretched my palate to include those American meals that I've up until now dismissed. And I'm finding I really love them. Like, dream about them and eat them cold the next morning love them. And this is definitely one of them.

Mario Batali's Halloween pulled pork sandwich. I happened to have pork shoulder just waiting to be made into carnitas. But I had 5 1/2 pounds of it, so I figured since it was just babygirl and I, we could take a pound or so and try this out. Plus, I had some sort of squash in my fridge that was never going to be eaten by us (it was a default item in our local produce delivery service last week, and we typically are not fans of squash). So this recipe looked perfect.

For the condiment for the sandwich, Mario says to make a pumpkin puree. Well, this kinda looked like pumpkin, right? Whatevs, it totally worked.

Roasted squash, roasted garlic, parmesan, nutmeg, and brown sugar. Works for me!

The brine for this was really interesting (a whole bottle of red wine if you're gonna use 3-4 pounds of pork shoulder). But by a half hour in, the smell in my house was amazing.

I actually followed his recipe (outside of the pumpkin thing) exactly. Because I happened to have all of those ingredients.  And I still had some of my crusty Italian bread left over from Sunday night, so I just used that and made open faced sandwiches.

Voila. Deliciousness. And delicious the next day. Looks like I'm a pulled pork fan after all.

Loves!

Tapas Gone Wild! inside-out stuffed dates

I super love tapas. Everything about it totally suits my style. I always want about 47 different things on the menu, and unless I'm eating with that many people, pretty sure I'm not ordering that much food. Plus, I can't eat a lot of food at one time (a lingering side effect from years of stupid stomach issues), so the small plates totally work for me. And in 30 minutes when I'm hungry again? I can order another small plate. (this little issue is the bain of hubbs' existence. oh he of the I-can-just-eat-one-huge-meal-and-be-good-for-the-rest-of-the-day clan).

Anyway, my faves are usually the things that are shoved into a date. goat cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped dates?  BRING IT. And then, we hit a new tapas place and saw that they stuffed the dates with chorizo. Wait. WHAT!?! This is a brilliant idea. Except. No cheese? Bland. So, I reinstated the goat cheese. And then I was all "do I REALLY feel like shoving all this into a tiny little opening? that seems like work". And lo and behold, my newest "dip" was created. And I have no link to send you to cause this was all out of my brain!

I only have one pic, cause this dish took about 4 minutes to come together.

I used:
3 chorizo links (whole foods- so they're brat sized)
6 fresh dates (had to remove the pits myself, but if you do it with scissors you kinda feel like you're playing that game Operation and it's fun)- again we get these at whole foods in the produce section, they come in a tupperware thingie
a good hit of goat cheese
a good hit of cream cheese
a little honey if you find the chorizo has too much spice for you
grape tomatoes, cut in half
cotija cheese to grate over top

if you can find loose chorizo you don't have to slit the casing and empty it out, but whole foods only carries it in links, and I always feel the teensiest bit guilty when I ask them to take it out of the casings for me. Anyway, go ahead and empty those out into a hot cast iron skillet with some oil and brown it up. then throw in your chopped up dates, tomatoes, and your cheeses. Goat cheese is a really powerful flavor, but since I like a really creamy dip, I use cream cheese as well (also helps with that whole spicy thing for the toddler). It really is just putting a bit in and tasting it until it's delicious for you. I don't even add salt and pepper to this because the chorizo itself has so much flavor, as do the tortilla chips you eat it with.

Side note: Buy the in-house made tortilla chips from whole foods. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Not in any restaurant ever in the US have I tasted chips like this. They're heavenly.

Anyway, heat everything up, then throw it in a bowl and grate cotija over it. Then dig in.

Seriously, the best.

And it's 100% ok to eat this "appetizer" as a main course. Because I said so. And I would never steer you wrong.

Loves!