Snooty Brownies: aka brownies with goat cheese, fruit and lemon

There are not enough words. This dessert is PERFECT for people who don't love overly sweet desserts. I am that person. I like a little tart. And I love fruit and chocolate together. Or chocolate with anything really, let's be honest. So I found a desert on The Kitchn blog. I loved the ingredients, but wasn't a huge fan of how it was made. So I tweeked. And I love it!

I saw the ingredients and knew I needed to make this, but I have never liked brownies that had a cream cheesy filling that was baked in it. I love cheesecake, so I don't know why it bothers me when it's baked into brownies, but it just does. Perhaps it's because you need a cakier brownie to hold up that cheese and I do not enjoy a cakey brownie.

So I decided to stick to my tried and true Carla Hall brownie recipe (minus the nuts and marshmallows). I will say that I've always needed to cook them longer than the 20 minutes she suggests, but I'm also pretty sure that I've never used the correct pan to cook them in. And also, grease the crap out of the pan. These bad boys are STICKY. And wonderful just by themselves.

But then, while they're baking, go ahead and make essentially what is the icing for these brownies. I take out the goat cheese at least an hour before to soften it. And I used mascarpone, both because the flavor is better than cream cheese and also because the texture is creamier. I used about equal parts of each and I just eyeballed it to see how much I think I needed to cover the brownies. I added a little sugar too. That is all to your taste. Like I said, I don't love overly sweet desserts, so I only added a little pinch.

I also made a fruit compote to add. I just took a bunch of frozen berries, stuck them in a pot, put it on low heat, and let them break down (with some help from my potato masher). I added lemon zest and lemon juice and some sugar and about 1/2 tbsp of corn starch to thicken it a tiny bit. Again, this is all to your specific tastes. I like mine tart, so I add a little and taste until I get it how I like it. It's all very scientific.

I didn't just throw the berries into the goat cheese mixture because I didn't want it to be pink icing, I wanted to see a swirl. But you totally could and it would be delicious. I just wanted a good picture.

Once the brownies cooled a little bit, a started to ice it. It was not easy. The icing was thick, and it was a bit challenging to spread. I would have added more mascarpone if I had any left. So I resorted to using my finger to spread it. Then I spooned some fruit compote on and swirled it in.

The rest? Is magical dessert-y history.

Loves and dessert always!

Measles vs Ebola- An Airplane Dialogue

I was talking this over with some friends recently. And I was suuuuuuuuper pissed about it before, and then forgot to blog/ rant about it. And then I brought it up and got all pissy all over again. So here goes.

I got a warning that on certain dates in December, someone had measles on an airplane that landed in Seatac (which is where we fly in and out of, and where we happened to be the day or 2 after this "epidemic" hit).

Apparently, the CDC spouted a whole bunch of nonsense, Disneyland was involved, all the sheeple lost their damned minds because OH MY GOD A RASH IS ON THE LOOSE! WARN EVERYONE! TOUCH NOTHING EVER! If you were anywhere near anything the infected may have breathed on, you're doomed. DOOMED.

Ummmmm. Take a breath, America.

For starters. It's the effing measles. It's a rash. Does it suck? Yup. Do you want it? Probably not. Are you vaccinated against it? Most likely yes. Because if you or your children aren't vaccinated you are death waiting to happen and clearly have no problems killing small babies. Or so I've been told.

And also? It's rarely deadly. Rarely. And here's the thing. If your immune system is SO compromised that the measles would kill you, you most likely are not in Disneyland, or on an airplane. I would think. Because there's A LOT of shit flying around on an airplane. And in Disney. Not that you don't deserve to fly or go to there, but that most people would simply decide not to.

Please don't send me hate mail about how sick people deserve to do all those things too. Because I agree, they do. But they do face a certain amount of risk, and you can't request that everyone on an airplane be sprayed down with antibacterial foam because there's a risk of you catching something.

I digress. Kind of.

Because here's the thing.

NO ONE STOPPED EBOLA FROM FLYING.

It barely made a blip in the news. I sure as hell didn't get a disclaimer about EBOLA flying through my airport, that I had just happened to visit (I apparently like to fly during disease season.).  The CDC was a big fat pile of worthless and "well probably you'll be fine unless you get a fever, and then probably you don't need to quarantine yourself (I'm looking at you, you numb nuts nurse out on your effing bike around the town because you were offended after HANDLING ALL THE  EBOLA)." I mean.

Can we just be rational here? For like, a minute? EBOLA HAS A 50% DEATH RATE WITH NO CURE. NO VACCINE. NADDA. ZIP. ZERO. As in, hello, you're effed. Measles? Like, 1% die. For that 1%, that's a huge bummer. But you know what we have for measles?

A CURE.

And therein lies the rub. There's no money in Ebola. They don't have a vaccine for it. There's nothing that they can force the population to get injected with so that they DON'T get ebola. (I will not even start a convo about the not quite accurate info being spouted that is vaccinated herd immunity. because hate mail.). But there's nothing to sell. So the CDC kept their mouth shut. They DID NOT STOP PEOPLE FLYING WHO HAD A LIKELIHOOD OF HAVING A DISEASE THAT 50% OF PEOPLE DIE FROM. They didn't stop it. They didn't even really talk about it. They didn't apologize. The media outlets almost let it become a frenzy of panic stricken what the hell is the government doing to protect us. And then. Funny enough. It dropped off everyone's radar.

But the measles? HOLY SHIT THE MEASLES ARE BACK WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AND IF YOU DON'T GET A VACCINE RIGHT NOW WE WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH OUR TORCHES AND YELLING. The CDC made sure that they stated unequivocally that without the vaccine, you are a walking death threat. Stay in your homes. Be afraid.

Why, exactly? Ohhhhh.......because guess who's getting paid? Big pharma. Which donates quite generously to the government. Everytime a story like this pops up, there's a huge pay out. Doesn't matter that it's not life threatening. Doesn't matter that it's easily treatable. And also doesn't seem to matter that if you've been vaccinated for it then SHOULDN'T IT PROTECT YOU AGAINST NOT GETTING IT SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FREAKING OUT???

I feel like this should have been a catalyst for the crumbling facade of a CDC/ government entity that simply does NOT have our backs. At any turn. A government that is in the pockets of greedy business men/ corporations who are destroying our nation's food, medicine, and health.

Imagine my surprise when I heard crickets. Complete radio silence.

What is happening??

I know this all seems very conspiracy theory, and I swear I don't line my walls with aluminum foil so "they" can't hear my thoughts. But this one just seems SOOOO obvious. And no one says or does anything. I, for one, would like to believe that the leaders of this country have my best interests at heart. But time and time again, both financially, and health wise, they prove me wrong.

This one just hit so hard. And so close to home. As both measles and ebola and I apparently got close. Ships passing in the night and all.

So that's my angry Jersey rant for the night.

The Holding- A Toddler Poop Story

Oh the control. The crazy crazy sphincter control of a toddler. This is a story working towards a happy, or workable, ending. I've been meaning to write this post for a while now, but haven't gotten around to it, due in part to all the mid-wifing I've been forced into.

New job, you ask? Not quite. It's just that my SAHM position has required a new activity- cheering on, and coaxing out, the poop from my toddler.

Yup.

I sing songs about it. We have a poop party every time it happens. We never EVER say anything bad about poop (if you tell my child her poop stinks and is gross I SWEAR TO ALL THE THINGS I WILL CUT YOU).

Because the holding. DEAR LORD THE HOLDING.

It started over a year ago. I was about 18 weeks pregnant with little man, when the hubbs was sent to California for a work trip. For 3 weeks. Since there was just no way in hell he was going without us, we drove from Seattle to San Diego and stayed for 3 weeks. We learned stuff. We laughed. We cried. We screamed. And. We didn't eat nearly as well as we usually do.

Of course, there was no kitchen in our hotel room. And we tried to stick with as much organic food as possible. But let's face it. When you're eating out for every meal, that's not always feasible. And so, babygirl got a bit backed up.

And I know I can't be the only parent out there who has suffered through this. I know my mom had this problem with me when I was little. Once it hurts a toddler to poop, getting them to poop again is challenging, to say the least.

It took 2 weeks after returning home to get ALL of our bodies up and running in a fairly regular fashion again. And she had a few issues where it built up a bit, and we had to talk her into pooping, but it wasn't life altering.

Until the end of my pregnancy.

And then, the shit simply didn't hit the fan.

She knew things were changing. And at 2 1/2, didn't have all the words to tell us about it. And so she held it.

My mom flew out the week before I was scheduled for my c-section. Babygirl didn't poop for almost that whole week. I scoured the interwebs for natural ways to help it along. Of course, miralax was the go to. And thanks but no thanks. I'd rather not drug her up, and have her muscles not be able to do what they need to do. But Dr. Sears had some really great suggestions. Turns out that one of his children had this issue for about 2 years. His wife, also a doctor, said she felt like a mid wife for those 2 years. That's when I started crying because YES! THAT'S EXACTLY IT!

So, the night before I had little man, we filled her up with prune juice, a little apple juice (because for some reason apples weren't doing the trick but organic apple juice shot it out of her), and flaxseed oil. We mixed it with the prune juice because that oil is hard to smell, much less get down. Then, we put her in a hot, soapy bath and let her play. (we used castille soap- nice and oily. lubing up the works).

God bless Nana. She had her feet in there with her, playing, trying to get her to hang out in a squat like position. And suddenly. Babygirl screamed a bit. And out came 2 of the world's largest, hardest turds. Her tiny little belly shrunk down noticeably. Nana scooped those turds out with her hand, amazed at the size, and how she was able to get them out cause they were like rocks. We praised her up and down, we laughed, we sang, we eventually flushed the poop down.....and we all slept better knowing she was healthy and not in pain for her first ever sleep time without mommy and daddy for the next day or two.

 From then on, we would make sure that babygirl had a shot of prune juice every day. Literally. We give her prune juice in a shot glass (easier to measure, and she gets so excited to use real glasses her size). It keeps her poop on the soft side so if there is a build up, it's not ripping her apart. And the hot soapy baths are like magic. It opens and relaxes everything. Sometimes she poops in the bath tub, and sometimes, right afterwards, in her diaper.  And of course for the day or two after, her poop is really really soft. And usually she poops a lot, clearing out the rest of her intestines.

One memorable time, at nana's house in jersey, she got all stopped up after the plane ride. We stuck her in the bath after a few days, and nana was so relieved that she finally pooped, that she scooped the poop out of the tub with her hands, held it there and sang to it. SANG TO IT. People, this holding stuff is no freakin joke.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Out of all of the experiences I've had in parenting. The placental abruption. The NICU stay. The burn unit with little man. The toddler tantrums. The no sleep. Far and away, the holding and ensuing constipation in babygirl has been the most draining. The most taxing. The most nerve wracking. We still struggle with this. It's been over a year. And there's no physical reason this is happening. She simply likes to hold it. She flat out refuses to go on the potty. She panic screams if I suggest it most of the time. She used to like to go in the bathtub, but recently when she's in the tub and feels she has to go, she asks to get out and put a diaper in. And girlfriend does NOT like to get out of the tub ever. I'm not sure if that's progress or not....is a tub closer to potty than a diaper? Is there a way to measure that? Is that the oddest question ever asked?

So here's what I've learned, and what I'm still learning. Almost all of my friends have never had this issue. I love/ hate them.

I'm super thankful that it never lasted for so long that we had to get the poop physically removed from her body. I know people who have. And I am so so sorry they had to go through that. That's hellish.

What we're currently doing right now seems to be working fairly well. So I'm gonna share. Because honestly? There's just not that much info out there on how to manage this without lasting side effects, emotional scarring, and medication. So here goes.

At least a shot glass full of organic prune juice every day. Even if you're not doing an organic food lifestyle now, please just get the organic prune juice. The other crap they put in juices will only help to stop up the works if it's conventional. and a bottle of it goes a long way if you're giving it in shot glass doses.

As much as possible, try to get organic, virgin coconut oil into their diet. We like to drink smoothies. We add organic yogurt, spinach, coconut oil, chia seeds, berries and usually some peanut or almond butter. Obvs, the spinach helps a ton too.

Food. I try and make sure she eats enough ruffage. Greens are colon's little broom (thanks Mario Batali!) and definitely help to push it through.

To get the ruffage down, we let her dip it in extra virgin olive oil. This kid is OBSESSED with dipping her food. OBSESSED. And she loves loves loves olive oil. This helps with a) getting her to eat stuff she may have been opposed to and b) all the oil. lubing up the works from the inside.

We don't typically resort to the flaxseed oil until there's a real big issue with getting the poop out.

We sing poopy songs. She loves them. I shall share them with you because that's how much I love you.

to the tune of "the little white duck"
I'm a little brown poop, swimming in the water
A little brown poop. Just doing what I oughta
I flew right out of Ava's tooshey
It didn't hurt at all, cause I'm nice and squishy
Cause I'm a little brown poop, swimming in the water
Plop! Plop! Plop!  (her most favorite part)

Yes tooshey (touchey??) and squishy rhyme. And if you figure out how to spell tooshey, lemme know.

The other one, sung to "Camptown races"
Every one poops every day
Do da. Do da.
Every one poops every day
Oh doo doo day.

Did you see what I did there at the end? With the doo doo? I know. Hilarious.

People. I'm pretty sure this is why I got my degree in music education.

It's a fun way to remind her that everyone has to poop daily, without nagging her about it. Because the nagging? That results in a lot more holding.

She goes to the bathroom with me all the time. And we're constantly talking about how to poop. How much mommy poops, which she thinks is hilarious cause it's pretty much always. How we squat down (or at least bend our knees) so the poop comes out easier. And she gets pretty excited sometimes to show us "look I stand like THIS to poop!" This is usually done in front of people we're not close with.  Because of course it is.

If it's been 2 days and we've only had little teeny turds, or none at all (except the tell tale "shmear" meaning she held it with all her might and it tried to beat her), then it's time for the big guns. She gets no more dairy. And, we start to promise a reward. If you poop, you can have a cookie/ some ice cream/ etc. She knows we take that stuff away because it blocks up her poop, so she can have it again if she just let's it go. Oooh, that's another one we sing. Let it go. Thank you disney.

Day 3. If I watch her holding it in several times in a short span of time, the next time she tries to hold it, I'll go and hold her in a squat position. She faces me, her feet are planted on my thighs, and I hold her calves and make sure her knees are bent. She does not like this. I'm not a huge fan either. But we remind her that she doesn't want to have to go somewhere so they can take the poop out. Then she usually says "I do all mine byself" goes to a corner and finishes up.  And if not?

BATH TIME!!

Let's just not talk about how many times I've had to scrub out my tub. It's traumatic and I'm trying to block it out.

I can only pray that little man won't have this issue, and that one day soon, she will simply just want to go. Right now, she sleeps through the night without peeing, and she loves to pee on the potty, but potty training is just not happening because I just want her to shit regularly. And if I try and take away the diaper for that I usually get rewarded with lots more holding. Awesome. I'll let you know if I have a break through in that department.

So that's where we stand. I'm a mid wife for poo. It's not a great title to hold. It's exhausting. And when daddy gives a glass of milk after day 2 of not going saying "it doesn't matter now anyway, she's had all the prune juice" I try my hardest not to bitch slap him. (Sometimes daddy doesn't quite get it. Daddy has yet to shovel shit out of a tub. I shall change this very soon.)

I hope this was semi helpful for you. I know I would have appreciated it when this whole shit show started.

 I'm on FIRE with the puns today.

Loves and poop!

UPDATE!!
I super super don't want to jinx us, but we've gone for almost 2 months with only an incident or two of holding (neither of which lasted past the 3rd day, and both times, as soon as we got in the bathtub she said "mommy look I did BIIIIIIIG poopy!"

What finally seemed to work was making the most ridiculous analogy of all time.

I compared poop to a fish. I straight up did.

Her fave movie for a while was Finding Nemo. She gets very sad when Nemo can't find his daddy and daddy is looking for Nemo. So I told her that, just like Nemo wants to get back to the ocean to be with his family, her poops desperately want to fly out of her tushie into the toilet to be with their family. So far, she's totally buying it. She still goes in the diaper (whatevs, she's GOING!), but then we flush it down the toilet so they can all be together as one big happy family. I was just so ready to try ANYTHING AND ALL THE THINGS! And this seems to be working!!!! She empathizes with movies a lot (typically substituting her name and our names for the characters and telling me stories that way), so this hit home.

Here's to staying on this every day poopy train and hoping it works for you too!!

SO. MUCH. MOM. GUILT.

So. In all my baby-wearing, love to cook glory; we had a huge mishap the other night. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

I've listened as people told me to be careful, I shouldn't cook while wearing my kiddos. And I've kinda laughed it off. I had 3 years under my belt without so much as a burnt fingertip on a child, so OBVIOUSLY I knew what I was doing. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll do as I please. Until December 11th.

That is the day that my 8 month old baby boy ended up at the Harborview Burn Unit.

Maybe it's because I was dead tired. Maybe it's cause I had a pretty bad cold and my common sense was numbed a bit. Any way you look at it, I was a GIANT idiot and my son paid the price.

I decided to make some fresh pea and sunchoke soup for dinner. I added stock and peas and roasted sunchokes and brought it all to a boil. Then I carefully ladled it into the blendtec. I was wearing little man at the time. Girlfriend was standing on a stool at the stove helping me cook. Hubbs was making sure girlfriend was not getting into trouble while doing that. I suggested he take the baby, but saw that he was with her, and decided I would just keep him on me.

I will tell you that I obviously filled the blender too much. And perhaps I should have instinctively known that. But I will also tell you that I read the blendtec manual when we bought it, and there's not a warning on there to not fill it after a certain point because it will blow the lid off. That motor is powerful. I had my hand on the lid. Little man was facing against my chest. It started to blend, and the soup started to erupt through the lid, burning my hand. I turned away from the blender, thinking I'd be protecting him. Instead of just hitting a button to stop the stupid machine from blending. Worst decision ever. The lid blew off entirely and rained down hot chunks of soup. I yanked him out of the ergo and literally threw him in the sink, washing it off. It took a minute to get his onesie off because he was struggling. Then I ran upstairs and put the both of us right in the bathtub to keep his skin cool and wet. I was fully clothed still. That's when I noticed that the skin on his arm started peeling.

We decided to take him to the ER. Why we thought it would be faster than calling an ambulance, I'll never really know. So many bad decisions that night. While hubbs drove, I was spraying a naked little man down with breast milk. I knew it healed sunburns, and I hoped it would help. But it didn't stop the skin from bubbling and blistering up. It might be one of the most horrific things I've ever seen. We got to the hospital, and couldn't find the ER, so we just went to the NICU, where girlfriend spent her first 2 months. The security guard there called an ambulance (the ER moved to a different campus), but the ambulance decided to take us straight to Harborview Burn Unit in Seattle. I think that's when it sank in that we did some serious damage to this poor baby's skin. And I would have a real hard time forgiving myself for this one. Luckily (???) for me, I had a lot of experience with babies and trauma, so I put on my game face and did what I needed to do. There's no crying in baseball and burn units, right?

We sat in the ER (not pleasant, especially for a 3 year old) for about 3 hours before being moved to a room in the burn unit. Everyone- ambulance EMTs, docs, nurses- all amazing. All reassuring me that this kind of thing happened all the time. That his burns were 2nd degree, but looked pretty superficial, so there shouldn't be any scarring. That there were only a few spots where the burns were white (apparently the white ones are deep). That the blisters that continued to bubble up and then burst all over little man and I were normal and supposed to happen. That he won't remember any of this. That yes the sheriff had to file a report on the incident, but it seemed pretty straight forward so we probably wouldn't be interviewed by CPS.

But mom guilt.

We finally went to the burn unit around 11 pm. Hubbs had taken girlfriend to the cafeteria to get some dinner, since ours currently resided all over the kitchen counters, cabinets, and floors. They stayed long enough to find out what room we would be admitted into. Little man and I hung out in a wound care room. I never ever ever want to be in a wound care room again. Everything is metal covered in plastic bags. Super sterile. And they told me they'd give him more oxycodone and a sedative, so that he wouldn't remember what they were about to do. I say they. Turned out it was the nurse and I. I did a lot of things in the NICU I never thought I'd have to do to my baby. But this?? This was the worst. I had to hold him down while they took tweezers to the blisters and dead skin to clean the wounds. Next to him, on my hands and knees, trying to hold him still and nurse him to calm him, while he screamed bloody murder. That's a forever image. Along with burning him in the first place. December 11th can suck it.

Thankfully, she was super efficient and got it done in about 6 minutes. She bandaged him all up and he immediately fell asleep on me. And I finally let it all go. I'm pretty sure I cried all night. I "slept" in 15 minute increments. Thank God, he slept next to me and was out until they had to wake him at 9:30 the next morning for his next round of wound care. This one not nearly as bad. I once again got my shit together to help torture/ bathe my son.

He slept through the rest of that day for the most part. He managed to sleep through his physical therapy, where I learned how to do stretches with him so the skin stretches naturally and doesn't pucker or stiffen. More and more realizing how bad this burn actually is. And the kicker? The soup got all over my hand, arm and chest. I didn't ever really wash it off, it kind of wiped off a bit when I took off my soupy clothes to go to the hospital. And everything was bright  bright red. But by the time we got to the ER? I had ZERO MARKS ANYWHERE. None. Not a bubble. Not even patchy red skin. I've never bruised easily, I've never broken a bone, and I heal really quickly. But this was just effing ridiculous. Am I made of leather? How the hell did my son get burned SO BADLY and I walked away without a mark? Not helping the mom guilt. And I feel like the cops were probably not believing my story since I was unscathed. I knew they wouldn't....but I had this fear in the back of my head that they might take my baby from me. All not helpful.

We were discharged from the hospital late afternoon the next day. With bandages, lotions, tylenol, oxy, and a little man bundled up in what looks like mouse pads (they release silver into the wounds which is anti-microbial and help heal and seal off the burns from air). All except for the chin, which we have to clean and bandage up twice a day. Not fun, painful for him, but at least it's healing.

And here's where I really struggle. I know a lot about what garbage they put in meds, in lotions, in vaccines. It was strongly recommended that he get the tetanus immunoglobulin and the tetanus vaccine (DTAP). I obviously saw the wounds, and knew him getting tetanus would be disastrous. So I said yes (although we gave him the immunoglobulin that night, and waited until the next day to do the vaccine). We had said we weren't gonna vaccinate him at all until he was at least 2...but sometimes you just gotta roll with it.

And I'm not a monster, so I obviously was not gonna say no to pain meds for him. To be honest, I was just SUPER thankful that they didn't pump him full of anti-biotics. I thought that would have been the very first thing they did, but they didn't at all and I'm forever grateful for that! But tylenol has some serious nasty crap in it. We're trying to see when we can wean him off of it without him suffering. And the lotion. It's in his open wounds, and it has ingredients that I'm just so not ok with. But we decided we'll stick with the lotion they gave us until Friday, when we have our followup, and then we'll switch to my lotion, and I'll add aloe to it. I did ask the doc, and he was delightfully surprised that I make my own lotion, and also said that it should be ok if the medicated lotion we are giving him started to give him a rash. But for now, he seems to be tolerating it, so I'm pretending not to know the chemicals in it and just sucking it up.

I was convinced that I would have one child who didn't have medicine as a part of their early life. I see some of the stomach issues girlfriend has, and I do think that some are linked to early meds (lifesaving meds, but meds all the same). And on top of me possibly scarring my son for life, I'm also really upset that he has to be on pain medication, and that we had to vaccinate him earlier than planned (and in all honesty, I most likely was NOT going to get him DTAP vaccinated). And I know, I KNOW, that advances in science and medicine are the reason why BOTH of my kiddos are alive right now. But out here in the crunchy northwest, I am also lucky enough to have doctors acknowledge the power of things like breastmilk, skin to skin contact between baby and mom, more natural options in medicine and healing. The nurse doing the wound care on little man was the one who suggested I nurse him during the procedure. I was afraid I would be in her way, but she understood how powerful and comforting that could be for him. And I'm forever grateful for that attitude both in the NICU and the burn unit.

All in all, I'm just having a huge bout of mom guilt. I still have some serious mom guilt for not being able to "incubate" girlfriend through the full 40 weeks. And once again, my body (and this time, my brain) failed my child. I know it'll soon subside, for the most part. But it sucks. December 11th sucks. My blendtec sucks. Not sure I'll ever make soup again. As it stands, I've only managed to make breakfast once since we've been home (today, since the hubbs went back to work and I have to feed my child). Tonight will be the first time I make dinner. And you can be damned sure that little man will be in daddy's arms while I'm doing it.

I am still a huge proponent of baby wearing, and I still know that if I didn't wear them while cooking, then cooking would not have been done. But I'll never use a blender or food processor again while wearing them. And I'll be a million time more thoughtful and careful about my actions in the kitchen, instead of just pushing to get it done.

And this kiddo? I'm sure he'll be fine. He shouldn't remember any of this. Hopefully there'll be little to no scarring. And this will be his war story. And he's just awfully cute.

Loves!

Sweet potato latkes topped with goodness

So, while searching for a yummy cranberry sauce recipe for Thanksgiving, I stumbled across Carla Hall's sweet potato latkes and cranberry chutney recipe. So I made the chutney and thought nothing of it.

Until the other night. When I had a ton of chutney, some sweet potatoes I didn't use for Thanksgiving, and some brie just laying around. And I was feeling particularly lazy, so didn't defrost any meat for dinner. And I was wondering how on earth I was going to somehow turn that into an entire meal. And then, brilliance struck.

I had eggplant. And brie. And pancetta. And so, I made some stackers.

I followed her directions for the latkes. Then I sauteed some eggplant in my trusty cast iron skillet in evoo, salt and pepper. Then I topped that with brie. I stuck that in the oven under broil until the cheese got all melty and bubbly. While it was broiling, I crisped some pancetta in the skillet. I topped the stack with that, and a nice big dollop of the chutney.

I honestly had no idea how this would turn out. But it was incredible. Shockingly amazing. All the salty, sweet, creamy, crispy deliciousness.

You should make this for sure!

Loves!

Amazeballs! BEST SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS EVER AND EVER THE END

I've probably made that claim before. But this time, I super serious mean it. Because this was the best meal ever. Not only was it the PERFECT way to end a week that wasn't so hot (so. much. house. to. fix.), but it also just matched the rainy cold mood outside. 

I mean.......

Come on now. That's perfection in a bowl right there. This is one of those meals that we wish we had people over for because everyone should know how freakin delish this is. But I'll share all my secrets. And of course, some of them are not mine. Because internet.

The meatball recipe is courtesy of Alex Guarnaschelli. You see her judge on "Chopped", and she just recently became an Iron Chef. And the woman can give perfect mom face. And apparently, she also has a mother that created the world's greatest meatballs. I was skeptical at first because really? Sour cream in meatballs with gravy? But I decided to give it a try. So here's what I did.

I used half pork, half beef. I actually used half breakfast sausage from whole foods, which is just ground pork with some sage in it. I didn't taste the sage at all, so you could go either way with that. I also NEVER have fennel fronds, but I happened to have them, so I used those instead of the fennel seed, because fresh herbs in meatballs make life sing. I followed everything else exactly as she said to. I thought it was CA-RAZY to not use garlic or onions in the meatballs, but she knows what she's doing. Oh yeah, and also I made my own breadcrumbs. I just used some baguette I made, ground it up, and toasted it in the cast iron skillet with some butter and olive oil. I recommend this. I hate store bought breadcrumbs.

So I cooked mine in a big ole dutch oven. The one I then made my gravy in.

I did just like she said, brown on all sides and leave the center rare. It took me 4 separate rounds to make all of them. Then I started on the gravy. I didn't use her gravy recipe, because I really like mine, and I super don't like sugar in mine. So here's what I did.

Remove the meatballs from the dutch oven and add a touch more evoo. I used shallots this time because I didn't have any onions. I ended up using 2 pretty large shallots, diced up. Then added some garlic (I use the lightly toasted garlic in evoo that I always have on hand). I threw in some tomato paste- I use the squeezy tubes of it and used about half a tube. Which probably equals 2 to 3 tablespoons. I let that all cook together until it gets a nice deep auburn color. Then add 2 jars of crushed tomatoes. Currently, we use the Jovial Organic brand that are plum tomatoes from Italy. I believe it's the only brand of jarred crushed tomatoes that they sell at the Whole Foods by me. And I love that they don't add basil or anything to it. Just do me a favor and NEVER EVER EVER buy cans of crushed tomatoes. SO. MUCH. BAD. Just say no. I digress.

Then, I fill the jars about half way with filtered water, shake it up to get all the tomato remnants out of the jars, and add that to the pot. Then throw your meatballs back in, let it get to a low boil, then simmer for however long you feel like, but make sure the meatballs are cooked through before you turn it off. You won't even need to add salt or pepper because the meatballs impart such an amazing flavor. Caution- if you add salt at the beginning, it will almost definitely be too salty by the time it's done cooking.

Your entire house will smell like Italy and you will love it. You also will not be able to stop eating by the spoonfuls, or dunking bread into it while awaiting your spouse's arrival.

And also, you may have some adorable helpers who want to help you eat it by the spoonfuls. And take pictures.

Grating all the cheese. Nice work kiddo!

So yeah. Anytime you want a cozy, comfort meal, make this. It really doesn't take long at all, and it's SO WORTH IT. I'll be eating it again at 10:30 tonight after my son sucks the life out of me, er, nurses to sleep. For hours.

Amore!

The tastiest pulled pork ever ever

I am not a fan of pulled pork. I've discovered I'm actually not much of a fan of what's considered "American food". For example, if given American cheese, I will rage to the food gods. Because it's simply not cheese. Your typical casseroles, meatloaf, pot roast, etc etc. Never been a fan. Some say I'm a food snob. They may be correct. But if you're not going to thoroughly enjoy your meal, what's the point of eating it?

What I'm also discovering, is that there are no bad recipes on www.thechew.com. Well, disclaimer. I haven't ever cooked any of the recipes that were put on there by the home chefs, or some of the guest chefs. I'm only talking the host recipes here- Mario, Michael, Clinton, Carla and Daphne.

And, since then, I've stretched my palate to include those American meals that I've up until now dismissed. And I'm finding I really love them. Like, dream about them and eat them cold the next morning love them. And this is definitely one of them.

Mario Batali's Halloween pulled pork sandwich. I happened to have pork shoulder just waiting to be made into carnitas. But I had 5 1/2 pounds of it, so I figured since it was just babygirl and I, we could take a pound or so and try this out. Plus, I had some sort of squash in my fridge that was never going to be eaten by us (it was a default item in our local produce delivery service last week, and we typically are not fans of squash). So this recipe looked perfect.

For the condiment for the sandwich, Mario says to make a pumpkin puree. Well, this kinda looked like pumpkin, right? Whatevs, it totally worked.

Roasted squash, roasted garlic, parmesan, nutmeg, and brown sugar. Works for me!

The brine for this was really interesting (a whole bottle of red wine if you're gonna use 3-4 pounds of pork shoulder). But by a half hour in, the smell in my house was amazing.

I actually followed his recipe (outside of the pumpkin thing) exactly. Because I happened to have all of those ingredients.  And I still had some of my crusty Italian bread left over from Sunday night, so I just used that and made open faced sandwiches.

Voila. Deliciousness. And delicious the next day. Looks like I'm a pulled pork fan after all.

Loves!

Tapas Gone Wild! inside-out stuffed dates

I super love tapas. Everything about it totally suits my style. I always want about 47 different things on the menu, and unless I'm eating with that many people, pretty sure I'm not ordering that much food. Plus, I can't eat a lot of food at one time (a lingering side effect from years of stupid stomach issues), so the small plates totally work for me. And in 30 minutes when I'm hungry again? I can order another small plate. (this little issue is the bain of hubbs' existence. oh he of the I-can-just-eat-one-huge-meal-and-be-good-for-the-rest-of-the-day clan).

Anyway, my faves are usually the things that are shoved into a date. goat cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped dates?  BRING IT. And then, we hit a new tapas place and saw that they stuffed the dates with chorizo. Wait. WHAT!?! This is a brilliant idea. Except. No cheese? Bland. So, I reinstated the goat cheese. And then I was all "do I REALLY feel like shoving all this into a tiny little opening? that seems like work". And lo and behold, my newest "dip" was created. And I have no link to send you to cause this was all out of my brain!

I only have one pic, cause this dish took about 4 minutes to come together.

I used:
3 chorizo links (whole foods- so they're brat sized)
6 fresh dates (had to remove the pits myself, but if you do it with scissors you kinda feel like you're playing that game Operation and it's fun)- again we get these at whole foods in the produce section, they come in a tupperware thingie
a good hit of goat cheese
a good hit of cream cheese
a little honey if you find the chorizo has too much spice for you
grape tomatoes, cut in half
cotija cheese to grate over top

if you can find loose chorizo you don't have to slit the casing and empty it out, but whole foods only carries it in links, and I always feel the teensiest bit guilty when I ask them to take it out of the casings for me. Anyway, go ahead and empty those out into a hot cast iron skillet with some oil and brown it up. then throw in your chopped up dates, tomatoes, and your cheeses. Goat cheese is a really powerful flavor, but since I like a really creamy dip, I use cream cheese as well (also helps with that whole spicy thing for the toddler). It really is just putting a bit in and tasting it until it's delicious for you. I don't even add salt and pepper to this because the chorizo itself has so much flavor, as do the tortilla chips you eat it with.

Side note: Buy the in-house made tortilla chips from whole foods. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Not in any restaurant ever in the US have I tasted chips like this. They're heavenly.

Anyway, heat everything up, then throw it in a bowl and grate cotija over it. Then dig in.

Seriously, the best.

And it's 100% ok to eat this "appetizer" as a main course. Because I said so. And I would never steer you wrong.

Loves!

Farm Stand Chicken Pot Pie

Yup. dig in. Because this stuff is fantastic. And healthy. And helps fight colds (chicken stock base and such). And did I mention yummy?

Michael Symon strikes again. I pretty much followed his recipe this time, except I used what I had veggie wise. Plus, hubbs does not like mushrooms. So we subbed in peas. And we didn't have chard so we used kale.

So homey and yummy and comforting and made my whole house smell fabulous.

Honestly, I could have just eaten it all just like this. But when the man says to make a mashed potato crust, you make a mashed potato crust. Yes sir.

It's soupy goodness wrapped in mashed potato heaven, broiled to perfection. I am not exaggerating. Hubbs said he now can never eat any sort of chicken soup again because I've ruined it for him. This is all he will want now. Pretty high praise. Woot woot!

And the recipe says it takes 1 to 2 hours, but that's because he's including the time it takes to roast a chicken. Since I already had chicken that I roasted and pulled off the bones, it only took about an hour to put together. Or you could just use chicken breasts or thighs and not roast a whole chicken. But when you can make some delicious stock from the bones why would you not just roast it?

Loves!

creamed kale pie

This is essentially a mash up of all the different forms of spinach pie I love. My mom's, my Aunt Stella's spanakopita, and all the fabulous spinach dips I've ever eaten. And I'm sure you'll never guess who's recipe this is....of course it's Michael Symon's. I'm nothing if not consistent.

He used a pre made pie crust. I had phyllo dough that I had to use up. Which means that in between each sheet of dough you butter it. Also butter the bottom of the pan. I didn't and it stuck. oopsie.

Also, I used kale. Cause it's what I had. Still delicious. Just put a few sheets of dough down, then throw in half the filling. Then fold over a few of the sheets. Then put the rest of the mix in, then fold over the rest of those sheets. Then add a few more sheets on top. Remember, butter between each one.

And then, awesomeness ensues.

Loves!

Sundried Tomato Sicilian Pesto & a new Foccacia!

Rainy days always make me hungry. Especially dark, cold rainy days. And I always want pasta. So I grabbed Mario Batali's recipe for this pesto, and yup. It's delicious. I tweaked it a bit. I kind of combined his classic pesto with this Sicilian one for the most fabulous pesto ever. In my humble opinion.

The changes I made. Instead of using mint, I used basil, because it's what I had on hand. I didn't bother getting almonds with no skin cause that's annoying, so I used the almonds I had already. And I have no idea what cheese he was talking about, so I just used Parmesan. It's what I had, and it is the undisputed king of cheeses, so I figured Batals would be ok with it. That's right. I totally just nicknamed him what Michael Symon calls him. Cause in my head, we're just that close. And also, he just made pepperoni bread on the show, which is my mom's famous dish and I've never heard anyone else ever call it pepperoni bread, so I feel like we're family. Totally logical.

Anyway, it's amazing. I followed his directions as far as cooking, or not cooking, it. Because I trust he knows exactly what he's talking about. I used fusilli, again because it's what I had. I'm trying to ensure that I only make meals that I don't have to go out and buy special ingredients for unless it's a special occasion, or we just happen to need to go grocery shopping. That whole sticking to a budget thing.

Also, because hubbs just got home from London, I made him some bread. I've done the other foccacia recipe a bunch of times now and I'm bored, so I decided to do another search. And I came across this blog/ recipe. And she's right. Foccacia is so bogus here. So I thought I'd give hers a try. And I'm pretty sure I'm never going back. I still add the rosemary on the top because I just heart it, but her recipe is pretty bad ass. it is literally the best bread I have ever made ever. Ever.

So there you have it. Comfy Italian food for a rainy gloomy day. And pasta face.

Loves!